Ergo, the obvious: do not see this film if you hate U2. Conversely, if you love U2 you may have seen them say, oh, 12 times already* in the real, actual, surrounded-by-sweaty-drunken-out-of-tune-morons third dimension. The lack of these people is a reason in itself to see Attack of the 50-foot Bono (or U2:3D).

You can enjoy a U2 show from a vantage point so intimate, you can count the little gray chest hairs sprouting from Bono’s shirt – should you want to do such a thing, it’s perfectly acceptable – without suffering the indignity of some twit roaring Sunday Bloody Sunday in your ear as if it were a football chant and not a (somewhat hamfisted) plea for peace.

Also, there’s popcorn at IMAX.

The idea for this film came apparently from U2 imaging some kind of horrid dystopic future where bands don’t actually tour anymore, they just play one huge show in a South American territory and render it into a 3D film for the rest of the world. They have chosen U2’s least essential tour with which to do it. And like so many things that sound vaguely appealing in theory (anyone for a cheeseburger in a can?), it will never, one can only hope, replace the real thing.

Because the majesty of U2 is their live show. Anyone who has been roped into going seen them, would be some kind of inanimate carbon rod of a person to not at least be a little swept up in it, Nuremberg rally style. (This irony was not lost on U2, look how they opened their ZooTV tour.

Whether or not you think Bono is an ignorant gobshite who sleeps on 4000 count silk sheets dyed in the blood of Ethiopian foetuses, there is no doubting his charisma, and as one memorable scene in the film makes plain, there is no doubting his voice: it’s where he sings Pavarotti’s part in Miss Sarajevo – in Italian – and holds that last huge note for an eternity as veins psychotically bulge in his neck. One of the many instances in which he risks looking like an idiot in order to make a connection with the audience, and it works.

The 3D elements are a technical marvel. Once you get used to the figures of U2 hovering inches from your face, the effect of seeing an 80,000 strong crowd of red blooded Brazilians from the band’s point of view is thrilling. There are very clever, playfully added animations, freaky instances of false perspective and the one area in which the film actually trumps U2 live is the sound. It is crystal in every seat in the house and brilliantly, brilliantly loud. U2 have never sounded so good recorded live.

Though nothing will beat to my ears, the sound of 60,000 souls around me (yes, sweatily) singing "One" (Bono having cunningly written the chorus for that specific purpose) U2:3D is pretty great. It’s better than pretty great. But Even Better That The Real Thing? No dice. ZooTV:3D, and we’re talking.

*Yes I have.

- Review by Elmo Keep