Gene Simmons is many things: wanton fame-whore; shameless self promoter; able to brand any object with the
KISS logo in a single bound. He is also, should the Obsournes inspired
Gene Simmons Family Jewels be believed, partial to wearing a onesie to bed. It is bright, fire engine red. And as his 15 year old daughter Sophie tell us, when he isn’t on the road with KISS, her dad will change into it around 8pm, and “definitely no later than 9” be in bed, asleep. If this sounds too incongruous an image to believe, just wait until you see it.
Why
Family Jewels works so brilliantly is down to the willingness of the players: Gene Simmons’ long suffering partner, ex-Playboy playmate Shannon Tweed - to whom is he is famously “happily un-married”, and their two stupidly telegenic and down to earth teenage kids: lank, laconic and rapid fire with the one liners Nick, and the endlessly sensible and wry Sophie. Between them, Gene Simmons’ family generate more than enough good humour and love to smooth out nearly all his rough edges. And there are more than a few of those on his weathered person.
Gene Simmons is arrogance personified, but even this is skewered on the show through dead serious, advice laden monologues he delivers straight to camera which are then undercut with captions and edits poking affectionate fun at him. This is also the point of the couch interviews, where various combinations of the family gang up in twos and answer questions aimed at revealing little nuggets of insight into Simmons’ character. When Nick asks his dad how his parents met, Simmons says, “well, your mom and I met at the Playboy mansion, you know -” to which Nick interjects, “Yeah. My therapist is really impressed by that,” while Gene Simmons is momentarily lost for words.
The rest of the show is made up of MTVesque fly on the wall footage (which greatly employs a clever Benny Hill score and some familiar quick edits) following Gene Simmons around the world as he fulfills his duties as the blood spewing, bass playing Demon with KISS, which seems to be a mere distraction from his true mission in life: making money. Simmons is party to all manner of hair-brained schemes and investments, and how he gets tied up in them all comes down to a mixture of pure competitiveness and his seeming inability to ever say no to anyone. Either way, it makes for a greatly endearing combination.
But the true stars are the family, who delight in finding new ways to test Gene’s patience, be it ambushing him with a fake wedding, roping him into re-taking his driver’s test head to head with Nick, walking a KISS fan’s bride down the aisle in Vegas, or losing his two toddler nephews at SeaWorld and then bribing them in various ways so they don’t tell their mother. All these will in some way get Gene to exasperatedly utter the words "you're killing me" at least once an episode.
Whether the scenarios in
Family Jewels are all for real, or re-jigged for the cameras, hardly takes away from our enjoyment. It’s all in love and good fun. This is especially evident in all the family video footage sprinkled throughout the show, mainly of the kids as babies, or them tearing around backstage at KISS shows while their father towers over them in full costume, or other really cute stuff involving the family pets, that if you don't find oddly moving, then there's no hope for you.
”On the road, I am KING!” Simmons intones to the camera in his sonorous monotone, “But at home? I don’t know what I’m doing. I just work here.” KISS fans will never see the God of Thunder in the same way again, especially not once they’ve seen him in his jammies. But KISS fan or not, it’s still as funny as hell.
Gene Simmons Family Jewels screens on the Bio Channel on Foxtel, Wednesdays at 9.30pm.