If you listen hard enough during this special time of the year you can hear the distinctive screams and weeps of school children realising that their parole is over and they must return to the penal colonyesque confines of the school yard. The transition from the carefree jovial existence of the summer holidays to the stifling and depressing conformity of school has wrecked many a soul.

Holidays are a wonderful time of freedom where anything on TV is worth watching and the establishment’s notions of acceptable bedtimes need not apply. These foolish ideals are all but evaporated when you hear your name read out in alphabetical order during the first day of class.

While most of us have horror stories about our first day of school we can find solace in film and television. The television screen has provided some brilliant examples of schools of such horrid depravity and chaos that many a student has counted their lucky stars not to be enrolled there.

In honour of anyone who has had to start school in the past week here are our top ten worst schools featured in movies and TV.

Springfield Elementary in The Simpsons
From the absolute lack of funding to the possibility of having groundskeeper Willy teach French, this school’s incompetence knows no bounds. I would recommend Shelbyville for anyone aspiring to have children smarter than Ralph.




Woodsboro High in Scream
High school is hard enough without a homicidal duo on the loose. On the plus side you do have the Fonz as your principal, for a short while anyway.




South Park Elementary in South Park
Two words: Mr. Garrison.




Degrassi Junior High in Degrassi
Sure you’ll learn a life lesson or two along the way but the whole school seems to be tone deaf as the level of encouragement that the Zit Remedy received was clearly disproportionate to their talent.




Shiroiwa Junior High School in Battle Royale
Avoid it like the plague.




East High in High School Musical
My definition of hell is an all singing, all dancing school.




Shermer High School in The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off
If you’re cool it’ll be the experience of a lifetime, otherwise you’ll be at the mercy of the sadistic teaching staff.




Sunnydale High School in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Vampires, zombies and werewolves aren’t anyone’s idea of a good time.




Erinsborough High School in Neighbours
The suspiciously all white school will be a dream if you have national socialist tendencies. For everybody else choose a school that is more reflective of Melbourne’s multiculturalism.




Neptune High School in Veronica Mars
Way too much murder and intrigue for any student plus you might run into the know it all busy body Miss Mars.