Top Ten Intense Old People Dramas

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3. The Bucket List

The big problem with this film was that the two old guys didn’t do anything decent with their bucket list. They’re about to die: why not set fire to an orphanage and when the cops pull up just shrug and go “bucket list”?

Even without the fact that this could have been the best prank show ever (“why did you young ladies just flash the Chinese Premier?” “BUCKET LIST!!”), this is also an astoundingly sad film. Before you died, you wanted to ride a motorbike on the Great Wall of China? Really? So your ambition in life was to be a guy on a Pepsi Max commercial?

2. Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 

Okay, SPOILER ALERT only not really because this is a movie with old people: one of them dies. Who wants to watch a charming feel-good story about a bunch of plucky oldsters only to be reminded that guess what – old people have a habit of, you know, dying?

That’s the big, big problem with pretty much every movie about old people: the moral always boils down to “life is short”.  Which didn’t impress anyone back when it was a Reebok slogan. Aging is simply too big an issue for movies to “solve”: you can make a movie about the impact of one death, you can make a movie about a disaster, you can make a movie where the world blows up, but a movie about the fact that every single one of us is going to grow old and go into the grave alone? Good luck showing the trailer for that during Masterchef.

1. Up

There is no other way to put it: the opening five minutes of this film is the most horrible thing ever put on film. “Hey, let’s go see that cartoon movie about a funny old guy and a house that floats away on balloons, that looks like fun!” AND THEN THE GUY’S WIFE ELLIE GETS OLD AND DIES WITHOUT EVER LIVING OUT HER DREAMS.

I don’t know what happened next, it could have had flying dogs in it for all I could see past the tears. I can’t even believe they allowed this clip on the internet. I’m crying now just thinking about it. Damn you, Pixar Films. Damn you all to hell.

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