Top 10 Films That Aren’t As Good As You Remember
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This is a shitty article. The writer knows shit. Fuck the vine for letting him/her write this crap
You know how it goes: you spot the DVD at the local store – it’s on special, perhaps – and everything comes flooding back. It might be a favourite film of a particular period in your life, or simply the greatest experience you ever had in darkened movie theatre. So you buy the DVD and you take it home and you sit down to watch it. And you’ve probably told your housemates or your girlfriend or boyfriend about it and so they sit down to watch it with you.
And it turns out its terrible – a celluloid gin show of cataclysmic proportions. Your girlfriend doesn’t sleep with you that night. Your housemates call you a jerk and wee in your bed. Nobody trusts your judgement when it comes to films ever again. Loser.
The movies on the following list aren’t necessarily terrible. But they’re all guilty of being remembered with an over-egged fondness or labelled as being ‘culturally important’. If somebody tries to loan you any of these films, punch them in the face.
10. Easy Rider
Most people under the age of 40 need not revisit Easy Rider to know it’s an overrated pile of stoner horseshit. For anyone older, they have to find out the hard way – by hiring out a DVD that at some point in the past has probably served as a bong coaster and watching the thing. Needless to say, it doesn’t quite hold up when the only medicinals on offer are your wife’s IBS Support pills. We’re not doubting Easy Rider’s importance, both to New Hollywood cinema and the countercultural movement of the late 60s and early 70s. But anyone who earnestly says in 2012 that this is a top-notch piece of filmmaking needs their head examined. Once acid stopped being fun, so did Easy Rider.
9. TRON
Remember when everyone knew TRON was shit? Me neither, because during the last ten years this 1982 flick has come in for some baffling reassessment. Yeah, the technology and imagination that went into creating it’s eye-popping digital world was beyond impressive, but that all comes to nought when you’re stuck with Bruce Boxleitner for one and a half hours. Slackly-paced, repetitive and fundamentally lacking in character, don’t be fooled into thinking of TRON as a classic. This film sucks.
8. (500) Days of Summer
(500) Days of Summer. A film full of the true heartbreak of love. If you’re 15 years’ old. Zooey Deschanel plays an emotionally stunted pixie dream girl who couldn’t communicate her way through a supermarket checkout, whilst Joseph Levitt is an obsessive borderline stalker who keeps knocking on her door. Essentially, it’s a story about two fuckwits. And it’s made worse by the clichéd fuckwits they’re hanging out with – the nerdy dude posse, the precocious pre-teen shrink-in-waiting – as well as a try-hard indie soundtrack hacked from Zach Braff’s hard drive. You get a pass for the first time – you’d just been dumped, you’d had too much to drink, you’d bought She & Him’s debut album – but trust me, don’t go back to this film. It’s rubbish.
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