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Top 10 Films That Aren’t As Good As You Remember

Top 10 Films That Aren’t As Good As You Remember

You know how it goes: you spot the DVD at the local store – it’s on special, perhaps – and everything comes flooding back. It might be a favourite film of a particular period in your life, or simply the greatest experience you ever had in darkened movie theatre. So you buy the DVD and you take it home and you sit down to watch it. And you’ve probably told your housemates or your girlfriend or boyfriend about it and so they sit down to watch it with you.

And it turns out its terrible – a celluloid gin show of cataclysmic proportions. Your girlfriend doesn’t sleep with you that night. Your housemates call you a jerk and wee in your bed. Nobody trusts your judgement when it comes to films ever again. Loser.

The movies on the following list aren’t necessarily terrible. But they’re all guilty of being remembered with an over-egged fondness or labelled as being ‘culturally important’. If somebody tries to loan you any of these films, punch them in the face.

10. Easy Rider

Most people under the age of 40 need not revisit Easy Rider to know it’s an overrated pile of stoner horseshit. For anyone older, they have to find out the hard way – by hiring out a DVD that at some point in the past has probably served as a bong coaster and watching the thing. Needless to say, it doesn’t quite hold up when the only medicinals on offer are your wife’s IBS Support pills. We’re not doubting Easy Rider’s importance, both to New Hollywood cinema and the countercultural movement of the late 60s and early 70s. But anyone who earnestly says in 2012 that this is a top-notch piece of filmmaking needs their head examined. Once acid stopped being fun, so did Easy Rider.

9. TRON

Remember when everyone knew TRON was shit? Me neither, because during the last ten years this 1982 flick has come in for some baffling reassessment. Yeah, the technology and imagination that went into creating it’s eye-popping digital world was beyond impressive, but that all comes to nought when you’re stuck with Bruce Boxleitner for one and a half hours. Slackly-paced, repetitive and fundamentally lacking in character, don’t be fooled into thinking of TRON as a classic. This film sucks.

8. (500) Days of Summer

(500) Days of Summer. A film full of the true heartbreak of love. If you’re 15 years’ old. Zooey Deschanel plays an emotionally stunted pixie dream girl who couldn’t communicate her way through a supermarket checkout, whilst Joseph Levitt is an obsessive borderline stalker who keeps knocking on her door. Essentially, it’s a story about two fuckwits. And it’s made worse by the clichéd fuckwits they’re hanging out with – the nerdy dude posse, the precocious pre-teen shrink-in-waiting – as well as a try-hard indie soundtrack hacked from Zach Braff’s hard drive. You get a pass for the first time – you’d just been dumped, you’d had too much to drink, you’d bought She & Him’s debut album – but trust me, don’t go back to this film. It’s rubbish.

36 comments so far..

  • Kablami's avatar
    Commenter
    Kablami
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 4:36 PM
    You forgot NeverEnding Story. Childhood memories ruined watching it last year.
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  • Woobie's avatar
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    Woobie
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 4:49 PM
    500 Days of Summer brought Hall & Oates' 'You Make my Dreams Come True' into the lives of millions of hipsters, and for that it will forever be awesome.
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  • MattShea's avatar
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    MattShea
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 4:52 PM
    You're not the first to mention it. Somebody else suggested The Goonies, but that was one childhood memory I was determined to leave well alone.

    Really, I tried to go easy on the kids' films in general. They're a little too fish in the barrel.
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  • MrsBennyK's avatar
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    MrsBennyK
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 5:06 PM
    Just re-watched The Goonies as my husband had never seen it. It stood up well all things considered and he liked it despite being in his 30s. Its still awesome. The movie IT scared the crap out of me as a kid and when I watched it again. Worst 80s film and special effects ever. The worst. Dont know why I surprised. Stephen King movies are always awful.
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  • MattShea's avatar
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    MattShea
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 5:38 PM
    That's a relief re: Goonies (and hardly a surprise re: IT)

    Another Vine staffer suggested The Princess Bride doesn't hold up. Surely not...
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  • Rin's avatar
    Commenter
    Rin
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 5:42 PM
    I went through a phase where I watch Breakfast at Tiffany's at least once a month. I never bought it, the guy at the DVD rental store just let me walk in and out with it for free as no one rented it anyway. Mickey Rooney aside it holds its ground, even Blake Edwards admitted that if he made it again that character would be the only thing he would change.

    I used to yell "Fred's gay!!!" at the tv at first, I hate the way movies have to have a romantic storyline and changing the characters original sexuality completely changes the tone that Truman Capote created.

    Lately I have been watching Don't Trust the B* in Apartment 23, the character Chloe is basically Holly Golightly.
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  • ciaochow's avatar
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    ciaochow
    Date and time
    Monday 08 Oct 2012 - 7:21 PM
    take 'vertigo' off and move 'easy rider' to no. 1 and you've got a pretty solid list. 'vertigo' is the work a genius at his creative peak and 'easy rider' was dennis hopper's personal "fuck you" to the world. only he and fonda were in on the joke.
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  • CamJD's avatar
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    CamJD
    Date and time
    Tuesday 09 Oct 2012 - 12:09 AM
    Princess Bride works fine, I've seen it numerous times as an adult. Apart from the Rodents of Unusual Size...

    Dead on for American Beauty-suburban ennui seems entirely irrelevant in post 911 America. I'd like add the first Mad Max, which is this weird rambling movie with barely any connection to it's sequels. Saw that again and realised I only reminded ten minutes from the entire thing.
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  • IanKeithRogers's avatar
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    IanKeithRogers
    Date and time
    Tuesday 09 Oct 2012 - 12:20 AM
    PTA's 'Magnolia' is a hugely disappointing film on the repeat viewing. I was sure I LOVED that movie till I watched it again. Then I was embarrassed for myself. Fucking Aimee Mann bleating away, overacting of every description, a schmaltzy plot dressed up as 70s cinema...it's kinda blows.
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  • crystaltowers's avatar
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    crystaltowers
    Date and time
    Tuesday 09 Oct 2012 - 10:19 AM
    LOOVE Chloe in Don't Trust the B* in Apartment 23. But movies...

    Agree with Mad Max, Neverending Story, Goonies....sad but true. The Italian Job (original) seems to end before it should? And Police Academy...oh how we laffed at school in the 80s at Michael Winslow's sound effects...how easily amused we were...

    Anyone watched Home Alone lately? It's every bit as bad as you thought the sequels were. "Bad guys" overacting and tripping on things, unbelievably.

    The Princess Bride I never saw till I'd grown up, after years hearing how 'hilarious' it was from friends. Apparently lines like "Inconceivable!" and "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." are enough to give people seizures? Turns out it's less an underrated classic, more just a spoof flick for fans of Naked Gun, Spaceballs, Airplane, Hot Shots etc.

    The movie "IT" was a spectacular disappointment on first viewing. Aired on Oz TV with huge hype and split into a 2 part mini-wank, where the big reveal at the end of 4hrs was "it's a spider!". Whee! My best friend Lisa and I threw pillows at the TV, there was just nothing else to do.
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