Top 10 bad movie pun titles
Hang on a second, surely in a world where Hollywood names a romantic comedy Valentine’s Day when Valentine’s Day is one of the days of the year with the highest hospital admissions for self-harm, pretty much every movie title is some kind of bad pun? Sure, but movie titles are just like cleaning out a stable: you’ve got to tackle the biggest piles of crap first. Let’s start shovelling! Wait, I’ve already done all the shovelling. Oh great, and now my shoes are covered in puns.
10: Legally Blonde: This one’s a little tricky, so here’s a hint: have you ever heard of the phrase “legally blind”? There you go. Like with all pun titles, it’s the weakest part of the film even when it’s a really good pun and the film’s really bad; here, where the pun is rubbish and the movie is pretty funny, it’s just a waste of everyone’s time. Why not just call it Bimbo Lawyer? The Airhead Attorney? The Peroxide Prosecutor? Uh…okay, maybe this one isn’t so bad.
9: Your Highness: He’s a prince, see, so people call him “your Highness” – but he also smokes heaps of pot so he’s super-high all the time, making him literally “your highness”! Ha! Oh wait, not actually very ha at all. So this is a remarkably accurate title for this lame, half-arsed comedy built largely around swear words and the existence of marijuana. Thankfully this tanked before they could make a spin-off with all the same dope-smoking jokes only set in an American football team and called Super Bowl.
8: Sex Drive: A trio of horny teens go on a cross-country drive. A sex drive! See, this one isn’t really all that painful, because having a sex drive is an actual thing and driving a car is also a thing so really this is only getting a mention as a shout-out to all the pun titles that just quietly get the job done without calling attention to themselves. We’re looking at you, Club Dread. Not you, Good Will Hunting. Is that even a pun or what? He’s called Will Hunting and he’s a good guy, but has anyone ever said “good will hunting” as a phrase? No more Oscars for Ben Affleck until he explains it once and for all.
7: Lesbian Vampire Killers: The trick with this one is that you think you’re going to see a movie about sexy lesbian vampires who are also killers: what you get is a couple of out-of-shape UK comedians killing lesbian vampires. Sure, it’s a comedy, but why pull such a pathetic bait-and-switch if you had any confidence whatsoever in the quality of your product oh I get it the movie’s really crap isn’t it?
6: Max Payne: He’s a tough cop, see? So tough his name is Max Payne because he can handle… MAX PAIN! Not that he actually does handle anything close to maximum pain in this based-on-a-video-game film, more like he gets knocked around a bit and maybe shot at a couple times and drowned and demon flamed and whatever. If you’re going to call your lead Max Payne, you really need a scene where he’s stripped naked then dragged face-down along a gravel road by a speeding car for fifteen minutes. No extreme torture for Max Payne makes this cop movie a bit of a cop out… though not as much of one as the pun-tastic Kevin Smith stinker Cop Out was.