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The Top 10 Bond Villains

The Top 10 Bond Villains

Bad guys. Loads of bad guys. 

If there’s one thing the Bond films have given us – other than a catwalk of ladies for the gents, and Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig for the ladies – it’s a cornucopia of power hungry super villains and sadistic henchmen. 

Missiles need to be launched. Lasers fired. Spaceships captured. Governments extorted. And entire species – most likely human – annihilated. Sometimes there’s even just an axe or two to grind. Whatever your requirements, there’s a rotten apple with his or her own underground monorail to suit the occasion. 

With Skyfall, the twenty-third film in the James Bond series, just around the corner and Javier Bardem set to roll out his best Raúl Juliá impression, we took a look through our Blu-ray DVD VHS collection and came up with this definitive list of the greatest ever Bond villains. 

What a bunch of jerks. 

10. May Day (A View to a Kill – 1985) 

The world pretty much spent the entirety of the 1980s trying to work out whether it had a collective boner for Grace Jones. I mean you’d date her, if you weren’t so concerned about having your arms ripped off. Thankfully, the producers of A View to a Kill leveraged those fears to create one of the greatest Bond villains of the decade – an era and a franchise whose mutual excesses probably should have never mixed. Not only that, but in the film she dated Christopher Walken, the scariest dude of the ‘80s. Perfect. It’s weird, because in the film she doesn’t actually do much, other than hang out and look monstrous. But it’s still enough to make you crap your pants. 

9. Rosa Klebb (From Russia With Love – 1963) 

When I was kid in New Zealand I had an Aunt Peggy. She was, like, 200 years old, sported a weird mop of orange hair, dressed like a Communist, and only spoke to my siblings and myself when we were in her way. One time when I was running the kind of temperature typically associated with a nuclear furnace, Aunt Peggy was tasked with driving us kids from Feilding to my grandmother’s house an hour away in Dannevirke. Peggy drove a 1980 Toyota Corolla and had a rep for being an erratic wheelman. So it was when she took us over the winding Pahiatua Track.
 

I held on for grim life, my head aching and my sweat mixing with my snot, until we got to the edge of Dannevirke. Finally, my stomach caved and I vomited 

– all over the Corolla, all over my brothers, all over my sister, all over Aunt Peggy. It was awful. Really awful. But also really great watching my mild-mannered grandmother tear Peggy a new rear end – she just fingered her spew-tainted locks and acted all unapologetic. Funnily enough, Aunt Peggy looked just like Rosa Klebb. Klebb was a real bitch too. 

8. Oddjob (Goldfinger – 1964) 

Anybody in his early 30s knows this story. There you are with your mates, flaking university once again and playing GoldenEye multiplayer on the Nintendo. And then some prick – some mate of a mate of a mate – comes around and chooses to play as Oddjob. You’re stoned and you’re drunk and it’s 4am and you laugh at that arsehole, before he proceeds to hand your backsides to you on a platter and walk away with the minor betting ring of funds you’ve put on the table. A total setup, but that shyster proved a point – Oddjob was short, and therefore a hard person to kill – he might as well have just robbed you. 

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4 comments so far..

  • Bainf's avatar
    Commenter
    Bainf
    Date and time
    Thursday 01 Nov 2012 - 12:30 PM
    Some great comparisons, especially Aunt Peggy
    Also like KARR I would have gone for 6 versus 7 million dollar man comparison, you heard me "7"
    I thought you may have included the two gay villains "Diamonds are forever" (every list or show has to have one (or two) or Bambi and Thumper (from the same)
    Hahaha, Jaws was never going to pull a jaw muscle with the speed he used to bite anyone
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  • MattShea's avatar
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    MattShea
    Date and time
    Thursday 01 Nov 2012 - 1:36 PM
    I know: that whole extra mil and where did it get them? Nowhere.
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  • TheGoreTheMerrier's avatar
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    TheGoreTheMerrier
    Date and time
    Wednesday 07 Nov 2012 - 10:34 AM
    How many hours did I spend playing multiplayer Goldeneye on the good old Nintendo 64. Odd-job was banned as a character in our games - for the very reason stated above. Helicopter pilot was the go - he looked cool in big head mode.
    Anyone got an old 64 for sale with controllers that aren't completely ruined? I'm getting a bit of an itchy trigger finger!
    Pistols only, one shot one kill - last man left standing - 10 lives. I'm off to ebay....
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  • MattShea's avatar
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    MattShea
    Date and time
    Wednesday 07 Nov 2012 - 1:19 PM
    You'd reached a GoldenEye zen state when you spent more time watching everyone else's screens than your own.

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