It looks as though this week is unofficial nostalgia week in Tube Ray Army central, so I thought I'd round it out with something I've been meaning to discuss for a long while with my friends but never seem to get around to it: who remembers Secret Valley??

You know, with kids getting around in athletics shorts and ultra-tight Bonds t-shirts, Australian character actors for miles, unconvincing child actors throwing flour bombs at each other and having food fights, and the entire Buchanan clan, and Spider Maglurk and his evil BMX crew, and the time they put superglue in WW's lollies and all his joints went squeaky, and, and... you get the picture.

For years, Secret Valley has haunted my memory like so many things from the early-'80s, as I wondered whether I actually just imagined the whole thing.

I didn't, of course, but for those who need a little reminder, YouTube has come to the party courtesy of Secret Valley's following in... The Netherlands! (They were also mad for El Valle Secreto in Spain.)



And check out this clip for some vintage Spider Gang hi-jinks (man, I was SO HOT for Snake it's not funny):




That ought to bring back a whole raft of after-school-television memories for you. As someone in the YouTube comments sagely notes, "I remember i watched it on a sunny day in 1985, if anyone cares".

Honestly, I couldn't tell you much about Secret Valley beyond what I've already mentioned and a general grasp of its early-'80s saturated colour and dress sense and lacklustre action sequences (and Snake being hot).

But when I watch the few clips that are kicking around the internet, like Mr Sunny Day In 1985, I am transported back to the living room in Port Melbourne (pre-Kennett makeover), eating Fun Fruits in front of our craptastic, woodgrain National television (which would later be augmented with a National VCR, with a 'remote control' on a cord attached to the machine!). At about 6pm I would leap up to watch the Abel Tasman toodle off via our beach-facing window.

There are other shows from 'back then' - Mysterious Cities Of Gold, Puddle Lane, and, from a little later, certain episodes of Round The Twist,  that I feel similarly about: did I imagine them? Were they actually as good as I remember?

The quality of Australian children's television took a dive - at least from an actual child's perspective - in the early-'90s with the odious "educational", issues-based dross that was Lift Off, with that hideous faceless doll, E.C - geddit? 'Every Child' - who my grandmother used to call him a "moron", and that disturbingly penile cactus plant with an eyeball at its tip.

Fortunately, Round The Twist saved most of the '90s for any kids who had a clue (although we don't talk about the post-Jennings third and fourth series). I'd like to introduce you to one of my most cherished television depictions of teen romance, like, ever, the second series episode, Nails:




From what I've seen of kids' television these days, as much as I love Yo Gabba Gabba, everything is awfully hyperactive and caters to MTV-generation attention spans.

Is it just Saturn's Return nostalgia that sees us long for the days of Secret Valley, or devouring vintage Sesame Street clips?

I'm inclined to say no; as many of the YouTube comments accompanying Secret Valley suggest, "back then", watching television was just one of many activities that would happen after school - and added to that was the fact that much of the children's television programming depicted an active, adventurous life, whether it was riding BMX and dirt bikes around, hanging out in the bush, or cracking open a tinny after a hard-earned thirst hitting the beach. 

One runs the extreme risk of straying into "lick road clean wit' tongue" territory when talking about how a child's life was different "in the olden times", but I am glad I grew up without mobile phones and internet and pagers and GHD straighteners.

Because for all the stupid plots, dinky set design and improbable action sequences in shows like Secret Valley, one thing remains constant: the kids seem, well, like kids.

And that's more than you can say for the creatures inhabiting the 4pm to 6pm slot today.