Since I have actually been busy and/or out of the house most mornings over the past four months, I've not been privy to the particular charms of Channel Ten's The Circle.

I have been content to only hear people talk about it second hand. In fact, I'm not sure what led to the idea of watching it this morning, but there are lots of things we do for love, and when it comes to Tube Ray, subjecting myself to advertorial in the name of your reading pleasure is certainly one of them.

And, oh, what an edumacational experience it was!

In the first five or so minutes I spent watching The Circle, these were some of the highlights:

"He's a cardiologist, so a heart guy" - Yumi

"Radiohead makes me want to go to bed with a block of chocolate" - Chrissie

And then they put on storied party starter David Grey and "danced" on the couch. By that I mean they all remained seating and "grooved" from the waist up.

Also, one of the panellists is called "Gorgi", but they pronounce it "Georgie". Surely it should be pronounced "Gawg-i"?

Confused, I went to the website to see if I could better understand The Circle. I loaded up a fact sheet on how to beat Mondayitis; given I suffer from such acute Mondayitis that I am affected on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I figured it would be relevant to my interests.

The sheet was prepared by The Circle's resident "energy bunny", Lola Berry, who despite looking like a shop assistant at Valley Girl, is in fact a naturopath and nutritionist.

I suspect Lola is also a noted orator, as the fact sheet features multiple uses of the adjective "ripper"; the first six sentences also end with exclamation marks! "Listen to your body, if you’re feeling low in energy it might be time for a nutritious snack!"

Ripper!

But when you're not interested in nutritious snacks, how about a poo lovingly served on a plate with some fruity bits?



Pardon me, that's chocolate pomegranate mousse.

Back to the screen, the ladies are now interrogating Brendan "Maaaate" Cowell about "his" new movie, Beneath Hill 60.

The look on Cowell's face as Yumi announces "Now, Brendan's back after the break, and we're going to look at some ways you can spruce up the kids' bedroom" is something that will stay with me for life.

But WAIT, we're back from the break, and here's Brendan's MUM!!



She's talking about how he was on Romper Room and once sang Shaddup Your Face! Brendan looks like he wants to commit hara kiri!

Now some chick is talking about a hugely technologically advanced hair removal gadget called 'Smooth And Easy' that employs "microdermabrasion" techniques to remove hair, "unblock pores" and smooth the skin.

Hang on, this feels familiar...



THAT'S RIGHT, I WAS A TEENAGER IN THE '90s, BITCHES! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!!

Why do all our women-targeted television shows have to feature gross amounts of advertorial? Couldn't they just play Demtel ads in the commercial breaks? I am certain if the advertorial breaks were removed, the quality of the shows would skyrocket.

At the very least, they would actually feel like shows rather than awkward talk breaks serving as home-shopping bookends.

There's something rather charming about The Circle - it has a faintly anarchic (or unprofessional, depending on where you stand) mood that is at least more spry than Kerri-Anne's funereal pastels.

Would I watch it again? Possibly, possibly not - I am always happy to see Yumi Stynes on television, but do I really need to see another ad for the Ab-King Pro?

One thing's for sure, though - I'm certainly going to make sure I have a ripper breaky every day, and not eat too many chocolate poos in bed while listening to Radiohead. I wouldn't want to end up having to go see a heart guy.