KerrBloom! Less idiotic than TomKat. More onomatopoeic than Brangelina.
Oh, how the world rejoiced when it was announced this week that those youthful wood sprites, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom, known to moronic celebrity tabloid writers such as myself as KerrBloom! (explanation mark author's own), have now
officially become
officially engaged!
As I was reading
Defamer Australia's excellent reportage of the KerrBloom! engagement announcement yesterday, I admired the way Jess McGuire has so perfectly expressed the title that now officially belongs to Orlando: that of "Australia's Newest Son-in-Law".
But now that all the champagne-clinking and congratulations are over, another more pressing question is at hand: Does Orlando have what it takes to also become Australia's
Favourite Son-in-Law?
Today, readers, YOU will decide.
The competition is fierce. I mean, have you even SEEN who he's up against?! Other Australian celebrity sons-in-law include:
Liev Schreiber,
Sacha Baron Cohen,
Kris Smith and
Ellen Degeneres. The pressure is intense. How does he cope?
But I have good news for Orlando—I don't think he has much to worry about. I'm pretty confident that Australians will welcome him lovingly into their heaving, leathery, skin-cancered bosoms without too much of a quibble. Why?
The evidence is neatly tucked away in one simple google search, and one google search only:
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and dogs.
Orlando Bloom and ex-girlfriend Kate Bosworth and dogs.
Eek, that last one totally shouldn't be there! My mistake.
Anyway, let's quickly recap, shall we? Orlando Bloom loves dogs. And Australians love dogs, too! Hey, but how do I know that?! I hear you cry. WE WANT EVIDENCE! Okay, okay, you guys, stop screaming! Let's take a look at the proof!
Russell Crowe and dog.
Kylie Minogue and dog.
Bertie Blackman and dogs.
Hugh Jackman and dog.
Prime minister Kevin Rudd with wife Thérèse Rein, and dog.
John Williamson and dog.
Mr G and dog.
Crown Princess Mary of Denmark and dog.
Elle Macpherson and outrageously gorgeous son, and judging from the facial expressions, perhaps not the most glowing school report on earth, as well as half of their dog, Bella, who is also actually a
model as well, if you're at all interested.
So, there you have it! It can now be officially announced that Australians love dogs, too.
With all this in mind, does Hollywood's Orlando Bloom then have what it takes to become not just Australia's
Newest Son-in-Law, but
Australia's Favourite Son-in-Law? To answer my own annoyingly-posed rhetorical question, I think YES!
Hey, but we're not the ones marrying him, are we? Unfortunately. So what does Miranda think?
A quick google search of
Miranda Kerr and dogs finds her in thoughtful contemplation about her predicament. Armed with just a bottle of milk, some knee-high socks and—YOU GUESSED IT—a dog, I believe we can safely guess that she is quite satisfied with the situation.
Miranda Kerr and dog.