Marinating as we do in American popular culture, sometimes we're left with an odd sensation down here on Prisoner Island.

We know most of what's going on, based on what pops up in the news and the pop-cultural discourse, without actually having seen the shows that everyone is talking about.

This has been the case with MTV's Jersey Shore, which shines a light on a bunch of Rhode Island/Bronx/Staten Island (etc) Italian-American "youths" as they spend their summer sharing a house on, you guessed it, the Jersey Shore.

For months and months the internet has lulzed about "Snooki" and "Pauly D" and "Mike 'The Situation'", and we lulzed with them, laughing in that slightly self-conscious, eyes-askance manner that suggests that at any moment we'll be shown up to be the pop culture frauds we really are.

Well, we need squint no longer, as Jersey Shore is now showing on MTV Australia, Tuesdays at 9.30pm (and various mid-week repeats).

If you're one of the few people who hasn't encountered any of these characters during your internet rambles, allow me:



Guys, I think I'm in love with Pauly D.

He's the one that looks a bit like the kids on Growing Up Gotti, except without, you know, being the son of a mafia boss.

Here he is showing Michael Cera how to do a Jersey Shore makeover:



Anyway, when we first meet him, he pulls up on a ridiculous motorcycle and barks: "Out here on Rhode Island, guidos, when we stop, our chrome keeps spinnin'."

As Pauly tells us, being "born a guido" means "representin' family, friends, tannin', gel". Yes, tanning and gel are just as important as family and friends.

Pauly is a house DJ. "I want the guidettes to cum in their pants when they hear my music". (Emphasis his.)

And then there's Nicole, aka "Snooki", from Poughkeepsie. I... guys. There are no words:



Bitch is fierce. Or maybe just fiercely terrifying, but either way, the tiny, loudmouthed guidette is... Well, "My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice juiced, hot tan guy, and live my life."

Okay then. Simple dreams, really.

Oh, and did I mention Mike "The Situation"?

As he explains, "This is the situation right here. My abs is... so ripped up, it's called... The Situation."

No, really.



Much of Mike's time on camera features little more than his abs being pawed by random faceless chicks; it's like Repulsion for the MTV generation.

He talks in rather beguiling, Zen-like statements that don't really make much sense: "If I walked in the door, and saw myself? I'd probably grab my girl real quick."

His sincere commitment to performing "The Situation" is utterly endearing. As he drives into the Shore, applying lipbalm the whole way, he talks of his dreams of the share house being full of "hot girls" and how "everybody's gonna be like, 'Oh shoot, that's The Situation right there' and I'm like, yessir it is."

That he follows such a soliloquy up with a puppy-dog smile only makes me love this lunatic even more.

Look, the show is DEMENTED. I love it.

Then again, given how I took to The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, perhaps this isn't so surprising, but there's something bizarrely appealing about these brash, terracotta-coloured people.

What strikes you after spending a few hours with them is that they're all rather earnest young things. With the possible exception of Jenni "Jwoww", who is quite frankly TERRIFYING:



(Don't get in a relationship with her, she'll "send [you] on a rollercoaster to hell". Or possibly knock you out with her rock-hard bosom.)

In any case, the best way to understand this bizarre, compelling phenomenon is to watch the show. No amount of hilarious JPEGs can prepare you for the true insanity of the debaucherous cultural wasteland that is the Jersey Shore once this cavalcade of "characters" arrive.

And to further prove my point as to Pauly D and Snooki et al's good humour, here they are to tell you the true story of Christmas:



God bless us, every one.