The adage ‘Write what you know’ has aided and abetted numerous authors over the years.
Jane Austen wrote about the passion underlying the formal courtship rituals of her time. Ernest Hemingway penned tale after tale about the virtues and flaws of masculinity. The apostles documented the adventures of their homeboy Jesus.
In this grand tradition, Britney Spears’ former make-up artist has co-written a novel about a make-up artist’s fast-lane escapades with a teenage pop star that gradually goes off the rails thanks to manipulative management, a clutching entourage and the star’s own hard-partying ways.
Now, colour me confused but can Pop Tart, a roman a clef about Britn...sorry, that’s Brooke Parker, “a 16-year-old innocent blonde with a Deep South accent who becomes a pop sensation, thanks to a raunchy video and an ill-fated romance with a hot boy-band member” really be dubbed “a glamourous, eye-opening account of the price of celebrity” when anyone who gives a damn – and even a lot of people who don’t – has seen the real thing flame out in real time?
Of course, no one is questioning the insider credentials of Pop Tart authors Julianne Kaye and Kira Coplin.
After all, Kaye has had her share of face time with Spears and other stars (plus she went to high school with Angelina Jolie, recalling the star as a black-clad loner), while former Us Weekly journo Coplin is an “expert on celebutante culture”.
With this in mind, the book does offer a kind of access-all-areas pass to the reader who would never get to hang backstage or do a few rails in the back of a limo with their favourite star. But it would appear that the juice has already been well and truly squeezed from any would-be juicy stories.
Because let’s face it, there are no dark secrets any more. Anything that’ll either (a) generate interest in the brand or (b) allow the person spilling the beans a few minutes of fame, infamy or notoriety has already been exposed.
Take the case of another first-time author whose book hits the shelves this week – Lauren Conrad of The Hills fame.
Conrad’s L.A. Candy supposedly unveils a “behind-the-scenes” glimpse at the lives of reality-TV star Jane (the creative type who’s always “planning, imagining, simmering with creativity”) and her BFF Scarlett, “a rebel with off-the-charts SAT scores who never hesitated to say what was on her mind”.
But here’s the thing: The Hills is reportedly a reality show. What could be behind the scenes of reality? More reality? Actual reality?
(And yes, I know the reality of reality television, especially in the case of The Hills, is a scripted simulation. But anyone looking for an investigation into the nature of reality versus illusion should perhaps forego L.A. Candy and instead crack some epistemology texts. Or, like, totally rewatch The Matrix.)
What it boils down to is that books like Pop Tart and L.A. Candy – which, it should be pointed out, are aimed at a young-adult readership – are the authorised version of the unauthorised story.
While teasing their readers with the possibility of the real deal, they really just sing the same old song – stardom has its perks but it also has its downside.
Or, as Kaye told UK newspaper The Independent: “Celebrities are human and go through stuff.”
Pop Tart by Kira Coplin & Julianne Kaye (RRP $19.99) and L.A. Candy by Lauren Conrad (RRP $19.99) are now available.