The 18th century's foremost prose satirist and poet Jonathan Swift once wrote, “Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others”. Maybe, just maybe, he had something like the World Air Sex Championships in mind.
This year in the US there’s been a veritable orgy of interest in the new pursuit called ‘air sex’. For those who’ve missed the coverage, air sex is what it probably sounds like: a willing guy or girl gets up on stage and has intercourse, however they like it, with an imaginary partner, in front of a live audience. It’s similar, in a sense, to air guitar – both place importance on fingering technique, for example.
In case you want to try this at home, the rules are simple. Contestants have two minutes to perform pseudo-coitus. That two minutes can include seduction, foreplay and intercourse (no problem for some) – or contestants can of course opt to go straight to business. They must perform their routine to a soundtrack of their own choosing, with marks awarded for inspired selection (one Chicago contestant did her thing to the opening theme from
Full House). Contestants must not get naked, and all orgasms must be simulated (again, no problem for some).
Just as air guitar is generally the favoured pastime of those who can’t actually play guitar, air sex was born in Japan (no surprises there) as a sexual outlet for frustrated men who didn’t have girlfriends. Japan’s reigning air sex world champion Cobra, for his part, cheerfully testifies that he has never had real sex. Judging by that title of his, this mightn’t change any time soon.
The word got out though, as these things do, and air sex has become a big hit Stateside. It is now no longer just a way for sexually repressed Japanese businessmen to let off some steam, but a deviant new form of physical theatre comedy, with costumes, choreography and complex characterisation. Think of it as pantomime porno.
Highlights in the US tour have included the Washington, DC contestant in a George Bush mask who humped an Earth-shaped pillow, the Toronto broom fetishist, a Kansas City contestant’s air sex tribute to The Office, and the Chicago contestant who inserted a loaf of bread in his lover before ejaculating whipped cream into the mouths of front row audience members.
Classy stuff.
Check out air sex video samples. First up, a video of perhaps the world’s first, and undoubtedly coolest, air sex ‘group’, Peer Pressure, comprised of Relentless, X2C, Satisfaktion, Pre$$ure and PipeLaya, doing their thing. As one Fleshbot commenter said, you’ll never look at an ottoman the same way again.
Next, Austin lass Slut Truffle in the preliminary round...
… and in the finals, taking a heavy-duty angle grinder to her nether regions.
Finally, the highlights from the Air Sex World Championships round at Washington, DC. Watch out for an emotional performance which called for a smoke machine and Eric Carmen’s ‘All By Myself’.
It’s really just a matter of time before air sex takes off round these parts (the new Channel 10 gameshow?). Start practicing.
www.airsexworldchampionships.com