I have a severe case of dog envy. I feel about dogs the same way infertile mothers look at passing pram pushers, with intent to steal and nurture like its their last grasp at human affection. I want one. BAD!

So, if I was going to get one, I'd be eyeing off some of these puppies. *sigh*

English or American Staffordshire Terrier

Its a pity these mutts got a bad rep from uptight bubble-wrapped and overly protective suburban mothers of their chode children who smack the shit out of the family pet until it snaps and takes its revenge, which in my books is totally granted. Some kids need to know, if you mistreat an animal, you might lose your face and some of its features. They're such beautiful natured animals given the right circumstances.

Pug

I want a pug just to do stupid shit to it, like dress it up like a spider or a yoda or whatever, and for the same reason of mistreating him, id expect him to get back at me for dressing up like a douchebag, but then I probably wouldn't care as his face would just mash against me in a humourous manner. Bring it, Pug.

Miniature Bulldog

Do not get it confused with a regular Bulldog, for it is a specifically breeded to be smaller and basically cuter. Look at his smashable little face, so cute I hurt. Super expensive!

Siberian Husky

My next door neighbor had one of these, and I've been creepily drawn to them ever since. His name was 'Kujo' and he had a American Pitbull friend named 'Felony', who both in retrospect, I should not have been allowed to play with, they got bored one day and went on a 2 kilometer mission of basically fucking up 3 toy dogs, or at least thats what they thought they were. It was mayhem on the streets of New Brighton. They need at least 8kms of excersize a day, and if your not cut out to constantly keep these dogs amused, you shouldn't even think about it. But.. Such a creep dog. Want.

Chinese Shar-Pei

I know nothing of the Shar-Pei other that the Purex advert and that they're super cute and hilarious, but apparently, 'If you are uncertain, inconsistent, too soft, or mild, in the dog's eyes, it will take over as the boss. Shar-Pei need a firm, but gentle, extremely consistent authority figure.' Dont be a pansy, man-up, you'll need to show the dog who is boss.

Boxer

Boxers are DUMB for the most part, and that's pretty much why I love them. Stupid, silly and playful are the best things about some dogs, and if that's in your persona, you should do it cos they're dumb cute!

Rottwieler / Rhodesian Ridge-Back

This is Benny, He is a Rottwieler x Rhodesian Ridge-Back. He is an amazing looking dog, super intense blue-eyes and a lovely nature, as said before, if you bring up a dog to be a fuck-head, that's exactly what he/she will be, he is a prime example of 'how-to-raise-a-dog' . He looks like a scary mothereffer when you take him for a walk, because he's a big proud walking dog, and so he should, he's got every right to be a big scary puppy, but I know and everyone that knows him, knows he's a big vag-jay-jay who is mad gay and girly.

Boston Terrier

I want one of these dogs BAD, like for serious, me and a friend are thinking of adopting one and raising it like divorced parents. They're so super playful and silly and bossy and awesome. Googley eyes like a pug and about as tough as camp scout leader. 'Big gay Al' kinda dog maybe, I know. But I want one!

Beagle

Beagles are smart, funny and full of charm. They're everything you want in a person/partner, but like most people in the world, they can be cunts sometimes because they think they ARE smarter than most people, except these dogs know the shit out of it. Playing fetch can be humiliating for humans, they have much better things to do with their time, like get high in airports and single handedly beat terrorism. They can get quite chubby, so excersize is essential.


Last but not least, "Barney", The Labrador, and in this case the Labrador x Golden Retriever. Is one of the best dogs I will ever ever ever in the world of ever encounter. I shared 17 years of my life this ol' chum. He was the most independently minded puppy I've ever come across, doesn't need you to take him on walks, he'll go to the beach any time he wants to, rule the block and generally be awesome how he wants and when he wants. If you're thinking of getting a dog, all above all, the Labrador is pretty much the most loyal, easy-going freind for (part of your) life, and I wish that I had one for the rest of my life.


Miss that guy.