When did Sydney become so immune to money?
With the rest of the world impending another financial crisis, the Swedes are locking down the hatches, the Brits are counting there potato tots, surely even LMFAO are spraying each other with Passion Pop and not champagne. But the people of Sydney have stuck cotton wool in their ears.
We’re dining at the same expensive restaurants, taking cabs instead of buses, buying caviar for our pet parrots (by the way if you are the person who owns a parrot in Paddington, fuck you) and basically being frivolous with our time.
I somewhat blame Leonardo Dicaprio and George Clooney for being in town. The good folk of Sydney and yonder feel they need to be at Beach Haus with a clam-shell full of top shelf vodka in case Leo walks past their table.
Anyway I realise you have some kind of reputation for showing your vagina about town to uphold so I’ll offer a few simple tips for not ending up eating baked beans out of tin in Blacktown when the next financial crisis hits.
1. Cancel out 4am convenience store runs
Yeah you know when you stop at the 7-11 or nearest neon lit store at 4am after a night out. It’s all too easy to spend $50 on overprices pop tarts, cigarettes, 7 bottles of Powerade and shampoo. Just go to sleep – you’ll feel just as disgusting in the morning.
2. Stop paying $100 for tacos
We need to bring some Mexicans into Australia to yell at the restaurants in the Eastern suburbs charging $40 a fucking taco. What’s even better these places claim it’s “South American Street Food” – I don’t think I’ve ever seen a street stand in South America offering tacos at that price – I’ll give you a dollar – that’s it.
3. Take a Bus
I think 90% of women in Sydney only catch cabs so they can hail them like they are on a street corner in some sick Sex & the City fantasy. You are not Carrie Bradshaw, your shoes are from payless not Jimmy Choo. Get over it and get on a bus with the rest of us.
Hope this helps.