There’s something about being treated like a lady that inevitably makes you feel like one. You might not look like one to the people sitting at the neighbouring table when you pick up the bone that came out of the biggest piece of steak you’ve ever seen that’s meant to be for two but could have fed the table of four and gnaw it dry. But you’ll never see them again, and that steak is just too tender not to be devoured in its entirety.

At The Stokehouse on Wednesday evening, the lady in me was properly pampered. As we – my party was comprised of myself, Lamb, a Swiss visitor and an English resident – made our way to the Beyonce and Jay-Z’s table (probably Oprah, too), where a bottle of Billecart-Salmon (chilled and waiting for us) was being poured into our glasses. The first round started: kingfish ceviche with salted grapes, flying fish roe and sunflower seeds; freshly shucked oysters (the best I’ve ever had) with cucumber, coriander and chardonnay dressing; seared scallops with compressed apple and cucumber salsa, walnuts and Serrano ham; and tuna tartare. We were overwhelmed. The rain stopped. The sun appeared and started to set. We went out onto the balcony to take a deep breath. Instead of exchanging words, we smiled idiotically at each other and patted one another on the back. We were called in to place our orders for main dishes.

I’m actually quite conservative when it comes to food, and easily intimidated. So while Lamb and Switzerland opted for the entire kilo of Rangers Valley rib eye to share and the UK braved the rabbit saltimbocca and shoulder pie with foie gras mousse, caponata and prunes, I thought that I should go light so that I didn’t fall asleep at the table. I went with the popular John Dory fillet with sautéed cuttlefish, white asparagus and samphire salad, garlic gnocchi and artichoke aioli. I actually just panicked and picked the first fish dish I saw. After more breaks and a beautiful glass of Pinot Noir from Geelong, as well as an apology from the kitchen for taking a bit longer but an assurance that they were preparing the biggest piece of steak they could find, we sat down to enjoy. OMGs all around after the first bite. Some trading of bites. More OMGs. Everyone felt like a winner – and we all were.

There are very few occasions when, according to Switzerland, “everything just comes together so perfectly. It’s beautiful here. The sunset, the view, this place… you know. I love Australia!” The incredibly professional, subtle and all around wonderful staff paired with the elegant renovation by Pascale Gomes McNabb (Cutler & Co., Cumulus Inc.), the extraordinary quality of each thoughtful dish made my first, and definitely not last, trip to the Stokehouse unforgettable.


The Stokehouse is open seven days for lunch and dinner. Located at 30 Jacka Blvd, St Kilda Beach. Call on (03) 9525 5555, or head to their website for more details.