My football team whom I care about way too much, are fucking terrible at football. And spoiler alert - Business too! After being relegated from the Premier League to the first division a few weeks back the owner of the club who’s most famous for drinking beer well, released this in the English papers: 

"The Board of Newcastle United can today confirm that the Club is for sale at the price of £100m. 

Interested parties should contact Newcastle United at admin@nufc.co.uk”

Mike Ashley

Wait what.  A One Hundred Million Pound sale to be conducted via email? Imagine the amount of people with way too much time on their hands tabling fake bids. I called in sick to work and came up with this one:

Hi Mike. 

I know you’re after a hundred million squid (that’s what they say in England right, squid?) I don’t have that kinda money but hear me out. I just worked a public holiday and they paid me cash so I’ve got that, I think it’s like $150. I’m also a verified PayPal member and have never once received bad feedback on eBay. That one hundred and fifty aside I have a lot to offer on the managerial side of things. btw I went down the shops before and got some milk and Coco Pops so it’s more like $143. I’m pretty good at FIFA09, I mean I lose to my buddy Luke quite a bit but apart from that. I got Torres, David Villa and Van Persie all to come and sold Nicky Butt to the Great unwashed. Ha! 

Also, I’ve heard there’s some interest from Nigeria? Please don’t give them your bank details. 

Thanks.

Later!

No reply yet but I’m fairly confident.