News

The new Parliament has started and doesn't the prospect of listening to yet another year of Question Time just make you want to cut your ears off and throw them into a blender? Just me then? The break hasn't sharpened our political rhetoric any, with Tony Abbott channeling Dirty Harry – with whom he only shares, at best, the XY chromosome and a name that ends in Y – and asking Gillard to "Make my day" by focusing the coming political year on the economy. Which, just so no-one is any doubt, is the strongest in the world by a significant margin. Gillard responded by saying "Bring it on". And I responded by filling a bucket with water and ice and jamming my head in there until I passed out. Notably, this was the first time that Liberal turncoat Peter Slipper had sat in the Speaker's chair and he promised to try and bring Question Time in check, something many Speaker's have promised, but none have ever achieved. Make us proud, Petey boy.

Anders Breivik, the Norwegian man who charmed the world by slaughtering 70-odd children on an island, was in court yesterday for his final hearing before the trial proper begins on April 16. He used the opportunity to claim responsibility once more for the killings, then said a few less than fashionable things about Norwegian supremacy, before demanding to be released. He wasn't released.

Now here's a country you don't think about too often: the Maldives, tropical beach paradise-cum-first casualty of global warming-cum-impoverished Islamic state with a proud history of autocracy, has just ousted it's first ever democratically elected leader at the supposed behest of elements of the police still loyal to the previous guy. Who had been in power for 30 years. And remains the opposition leader. Democracy is harrrrrrrrrd.

Aung Sun Suu Kyi is discovering that the military junta in Burma hasn't entirely gotten over old habits, erecting a string of barriers to hinder her campaign for coming parliamentary elections. My favourite: announcing a mandatory pre-exam for prospective university students in a certain town to prevent them from attending her rally. There are 40 seats up for grabs in the 440 set parliament, 110 of which are permanently occupied by the military. Baby steps.

This story is apparently about Obama taking money from a Mexican drug lord, but I think the more important thing to note here is that his approval rate is back above 50% AND he has a 9 point lead over Mitt Romney in the national polls. Oh happy day! For now...

A Russian mission has arrived in Syria to try and broker a political end to the madness over there. Happily, Russia's foreign minister has announced the meeting was a success and Assad is fully committed to halting the violence and undertaking constitutional reform! This meeting occurred as another 19 people were killed in the flashpoint city of Homs. While Russia accuses the UN of wanting another Libya, it seems like Russia is agitating for exactly the same thing - they also made unilateral efforts to mediate the Libyan conflict last year, although were similarly rebuffed by the opposition, leaving them as wan cheerleaders of a murderous regime. Of course, any resolution would be welcome at this point of the horrorshow, but it increasingly feels like these legitimising gestures are only prolonging the Assad government's slaughter of its populace.

Features

I'm taking the next few days off (back next Wednesday!), so here's a suite of articles to keep you occupied in my absence.

As Gillard and Abbott look to spar on the economy, a couple of pieces about our current standard of living. First, Greg Jericho examines some of the claims being propounded by the Liberal party in its rather laughable claim that Labor is ruining the economy. And second, the new and bizarrely laid out Global Mail (side-scrolling? And no actual scroll bars? The mind boggles) asks: if we're the richest people on Earth (which we are), why are we so convinced that the economy is falling apart?

Meanwhile, with leadership speculation at fever pitch across the news spectrum, Lenore Taylor sets out why it's so goddamn hard (but crucial) to report on things that may or may not be happening.

As the dust from SOPA/PIPA settles, Forbes explores why digital piracy will never be killed, but why the only thing killing media is the media giants themselves.

George Monbiot decides no more Mr Nice Progressive and sets out – with scientific backing – why exactly the Right is stupider than the left.

Oddities/Curiosities

Best lawsuit of 2012 (to date) : a college student with the riotous name of Louis Helmburg III is suing his fraternity after he fell off some decking when a bottle rocket went off in another students rectum. An occupational hazard of any fraternity attendance, I would have thought. There is no mention of whether the other student is suing anyone for letting a bottle rocket go off in his rectum.

Newt Gingrich's campaign has been tapping new lows in political attack tactics, with one of his robocalls in the lead up the Florida primary – electorate: old and Jewish – accusing Mitt Romney of withholding kosher food from geriatric Holocaust survivors during his time as Governor of Massachusetts. I guess if budgets are tight...

Video

I don't usually treat sports as news on these pages, but when it's animals playing sport? Well, you got yourself a whole different kettle of fish there my friend (especially considering that 53% of dogs and 55% of cats in the US are now obese).

PUPPY BOWL VIII



CAT INVADES SOCCER PITCH