Right now I’m trying to hack into the Stock Exchange but Mum has been calling out to me from upstairs for aaaaaages to come and help her change the battery in her wheelchair. “You got yourself up there, you can get down here and do it yourself” I answered back. Pfft, I swear that lady is lazier than people who listen to Steve Jobs talking about the new iPod - IT’S THE SAME FUCKING THING IN A SHINY NEW CASE, IDIOTS.
So anyway, in a bid to escape THIS INFERNAL RACQUET (YES, I CAN STIL HEAR YOU MUM, AND NO, I WILL NOT BRING YOU SOME WATER), I have decided to postpone fixing the Stock Exchange (easy fix FYI – just need to change one decimal place on the Nas Daq) and go for something much bigger: HACKING INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
Don’t worry, I’ve done all the equations and checked all my formulas – it’s completely safe. I just need to hook up a wire coat hanger to my wireless router, point it in the direction of Bill Gates, log onto DOS, then do what I do best – HACK.
Here we go, wish me luck…
WOW, THAT WORKED EASIER THAN I INTENDED.
Bodily systems functioning - CHECK. Hang on, why are there photos of white people everywhere?? Sheeet, something ain't right, I’m going back in...
DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK? This universe is more like a PUNIverse. What is all this nerd shit?? Where the fuck are my medals?? WHERE IS MY SIGNED SHANE WARNE HAT TRICK BALL?? MUM – YOU’D BETTER NOT HAVE TOUCHED MY SHIT. Wait, that bright light is coming back on the computer screen…
AM NOT HAPPY IN THIS UNIVERSE. EVERYTHING IS BACKWARDS. WHY IS THE CLOSE BUTTON ON THE WRONG SIDE. WHAT THE FUCK IS 'DOS'. HOW COME MY COLLECTION OF iPODS IS MISSING. WHY ARE THERE BOATSHOES EVERYWHERE.
私は理解しない。 マイ・コンピュータはどこにあるか。 脱出する時間。
OH. MY. GOD. THERE ARE TISSUES EVERYWHERE. AND NOT FOR A RUNNY NOSE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
CONSIDER IT A DIVORCE!!! I’LL BE BACK!! Whoops, no I won’t, I mean - HASTA LA VISTA BABY!!! This universe is giving me a headache - IT'S NOT A TUMOUR!
Will the real Mr Techno1ogy ever make it back to this universe?? Did mum ever CHANGE HER FUCKING BATTERY ON HER STUPID WHEELCHAIR?? Find out next time, when The TechBLOGogy returns.
OR WILL IT??
(HINT: yes, most likely)