So, for those of you who don't know, I share a two-bedroom terrace with acclaimed writer/thinker, Alain de Botton. He's pretty annoying. His talking is exactly like his Tweeting.

I know that bitching about your flattie isn't exactly the height of 'editorial content', but at least I typed some words. Ya know?

Anyway, here's a conversation we had on the weekend.

Alain: Addiction to 'news' becomes a substitute for much-needed reform in one's own life.

James: How funny that you should ask. On my way home I saw two dudes boning in the park!

Alain: The only reliably shocking stance now is to be traditional.

James: Yeah, they were using a pretty normal technique. It looked like it was probably the most common way that two men would bone.

Alain: It takes a resilient spirit to keep faith with humanity after a walk down Oxford Street.

James: The gays are good people. They just want to walk around and get Pleased on dangerous drugs, is all.
Anyway, you aren't exactly 'Mr Bangarra Dance Theatre Company' - I doubt they'd be interested in your crappy writer's body.

Alain: Past the age of 30, it becomes a matter of some surprise if we make a new friend.

James: You don't communicate in a way that's practical! You never ask questions and you look like John Malkovich.

Alain: Office life would not be possible without the hard take-offs and landings effected by coffee and alcohol.

James: Firstly, that was not relevant to our conversation.
Secondly, you don't have an 'office life.' You just sit at home saying aphorisms on Twitter. Thirdly, your bolognese smells like dog food. Making 4 kilos of it at a time is disgusting, not smart.

Alain: -

James: I'm- I'm so sorry. I knew this would happen.