When an artist is compared to Madonna, Michael Jackson AND David Bowie there must be something going on there. I mean, if those three had a love child it would be the ultimate emperor of the world, at least.
So it is fair to say, there is a little bit of hype surround Lady (yes lady, not a man - there is no way she could hide anything in the outfits she wears!) Gaga's first headlining tour, The Monster Ball.
I will be frank, and you can be ernest, I am slightly partial to Gaga and everything she touches. It would have to stem from my adoration of the aforementioned Bowie ... I mean have you seen Labyrinth? AND the fact her music is the epitome of pop - it is fun, easy to dance to and doesn't take a whole heap of brain cells to understand.
Let's just say I had pretty high expectations.
Goodness gracious Gaga certainly knew how to put on a concert/theatre show/weird multimedia shebang/motivational speech thing.
After the furor put on by imbecile mothers at Gaga's first performances, I made sure to leave my octuplets at home. With the babies well and truly at home and with 60s reversible and equally as energetic friend in hand, I made my way to Melbourne's Rod Laver Arena - of the tennis fame. Outside the Arena everyone was smiling as they fixed their hair and shoulder pads and added the final touches to their best Gaga inspired look. It would have been the largest collection of happy, smiley, camp people since Mardi Gras.
There was a feeling of unadulterated excitement in the air.
Once we found our seat, god awfully far away and with not much dance floor space, the excitement levels kicked it up a gear. Silhouetted in front of an incredible set reminiscent of down town Tokyo Gaga started her performance. Gaga paraded across the stage with scantily clad model dancer people flailing themselves everywhere. She did some not well known songs but they still kicked things off nicely. By the time the second ''act'' came around, Gaga had used her superhuman speed to change into three different costumes and belted out some of her most popular songs Just Dance and Telephone. At this stage I had already lost my voice, mind, body weight in sweat and was hungry for more. Luckily there was just that.
All that hoo-haa about her show being a bit risque was pretty spot on. There was video footage of models vomiting on Gaga, multiple organ eating videos, more swearing than a swear convention and only a modest amount of clothes. But most people saw that coming, including me. About mid-way Gaga used her make-ship disco stick, high beam light and all, to flash the crowd while she broke into inspirational speech. She said we were the best fans in the world and that no other pop star would love us as much as she did.
*swoon*. The crowd dangled on each and every word and simultaneously broke into screams and woos and general omgs. She played the remainder of her popular tunes, Poker Face, Paparazzi, Speechless, Brown Eyes, Monster, The Fame, Alejandro...ok I got excited and wanted to list them all. The show came to an almighty close with Bad Romance - a song that caused the largest and most deserved screams from the crowd.
I may have lost at least three quarters of my body weight in sweat, sustained multiple throat and limb injuries and wound up with gum smashed into my jacket but it was honestly
the most impressive concert, ever. It was AWESOME, MIND BLOWING, INCREDIBLE and any other adjective under the sun. Unfortunately the people sitting around us may not have had as much fun as us as they probably left the show with a number of cranial injuries. My easily excited friend smashed each and everyone in the head at least once. But it was a pop concert after all, so they had to deal with it innit?
One of the highly disturbing, and highly publicised, aspects of the show was the horde of dolled up pre-pubescent teen girls that paraded around the foyer before the show - mentally unstable mothers in-tow. It reminded me of the hilarious mother-daughter combinations found on American reality shows about four-year-old beauty pageant entrants.
There was no way in the world a show by an artists who often talked about ''disco sticks'' and ''huhs (vajayjays)'' would be suitable for anyone who still did finger paintings and or wakes each day to watch Dora the Explorer. This was not the fault of Gaga or a lack of classification. Just the mothers.
Oh and there was a supporting act too but no one knows and or cares about them. Just try and find a review anywhere that even mentions them. You can't. So I won't.
If you were one of the tens of thousands to see Gaga you would know exactly what I am talking about, but if not, take the hint and go see her show. For the sake of all mankind.