Dear Lou, Is it stalking if you have mutual friends?
Dear ‘I’m assuming we’ve met before’
It’s an unfortunate coincidence, but regardless of whether or not it’s stalking or just the occasional run in at a party/
Facebook glance/
Twitter feed subscription or rummaging through the object of your affections garbage that has been put out on the footpath for collection so technically it’s not an invasion of privacy because if you didn’t want people to invade your privacy then you wouldn’t have garbage; well my opinion is, the ends justify the means.
It’s like warfare. It’s better to be tactical than to just go in guns blazing and take out a village and so what is stalking other than tactical, well thought out and considered target management?
That mutual friend you’ve got? Well they’re just the guy that runs the local laundromat on the estate who knows a bit of somefin’ about everyfing’ them kids are up to. And who are you? You’re just the guy the Governor’s leaning on to get a result and so this mate of yours well they come in handy from time to time – it’s an ‘I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine’ scenario reminiscent of the time you went to schoolies together and she picked up this Brighton Grammar boy in Noosa and you let them have the bedroom while you slept in the shower recess with his best mate; Carl the Creepinator.
Like most people with a heartbeat I go weak at the knees for a steamed up window from the outside, it says to me ‘I watched you get ready for bed, yeah I saw you hadn’t shaved your legs in the while and you use a cream for your calloused skin on your feet because you don’t agree with pedicures from a philosophical point of view, but you know what? I still like you, I accept you just the way you are and one day when you lift that restraining order on me we’ll be together forever.’
So no, it’s not stalking if you have mutual friends; you’re just willing to try that little harder.
I hope it pays off for you.
x
Dear Lou, How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends? Or how can be friends when we’ve only ever been lovers?
Dear ‘You can still buy some of Michael Bolton’s hair on ebay if you’re lucky.’
That’s two questions you’re asking there – I can read, I know what you’re doing, trying to get something for nothing…well you’ve come to the right place.
1. How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?
Easy, in fact it’s easier than ever before to just be lovers and have no friendship to fall back on, cause if that happened then your association would mean something and you surely can’t tell me that’s what you want? If you can I think it’s best you keep using your lover as the quick draw facility they were meant to be because as soon as you want to just be friends with a lover, well you’re better running a deer over on a deserted highway, then shooting it in the head and burying it in a shallow grave before driving off; best you pretend nothing ever happened at all.
2. How can we be friends when we’ve only been lovers?’
You can’t. Refer to the deer analogy above for clarification.
Lou
x
Dear Lou, I don’t like the medication I’m on, what would you prescribe?
Dear ‘Just call me Dr Sanz.’
I’d prescribe a little tenderness.
Lou
x
If you too have a legal question about stalking or your parental rights then go to
Formspring.me/lousanzcares and just ask me about it!
Have a lovely week.
Lou
xx