‘Have you seen the fruit box this morning?’
I turned away from my binding to be confronted with Irene from Accounts Payable brandishing a banana at me.
‘It’s full of bananas.’
I still said nothing as she clearly wasn’t finished.
‘I thought we got a mixed box of fruit every week, or are we just ordering one fruit now and if that’s the case then why not a box of apples or maybe oranges? Not everyone likes bananas.’
‘We’re not ordering single boxes of fruit.’
‘Then explain all the bananas.’
‘I’m sure there’s other fruit in there.’
‘Ok if you want to get technical there are some pears and maybe a kiwi fruit but they don’t count.’
‘When since does a kiwi fruit not count as fruit?’
‘It has hair on it. They’re like the anchovies of the fruit world. The fruit box shouldn’t be catering exclusively to minorities, that’s discrimination.’
'Look it changes every week; it’s not up to me.’
‘And did you know the dates are from Mexico?’
‘No.’
‘And did you also know that Fred in tax can’t eat Mexican food because of his cholesterol, did you even think of that?’
‘No, no I didn’t.’
‘Bet you didn’t even ask did you.’ More of a statement than a question really.
She glared at me. I’d never wanted to bind something so much in whole life as I did at that moment.
‘I think I’m going to raise this fruit box issue at the team meeting this week and don’t worry you’ll get a chance to defend yourself.’
‘Against what?’
‘Your intent to make this a banana only office.’
‘That’s never been my intent. I only order the box. I have nothing to do with the contents of the box.’
‘That’s the sort of attitude that saw the Germans come to power.’
‘Power where?’
‘In Nazi Germany???!!’
‘You’re comparing the fruit box to Nazi Germany?’
‘Yes, someone has to. I mean is that box even kosher?’
‘There’s no such thing as kosher fruit.’
‘Are you sure of that?’
‘Well yes, pretty sure.’
‘Pretty sure might not cut it at the team meeting this week.’
‘Do you want to order the fruit box from now on?’
‘No because you need to take some responsibility for your actions.’
‘This really has nothing to do with me.’
‘I think Jewish Tony in financial resources might beg to differ on that.’
Picking up my binding I went to leave just as Irene stepped in front of me again, still armed with her banana.
‘You’ll send the meeting invite right for the meeting?’
‘Um…’
‘And you might like to order some catering in. Maybe some of those nice bacon quiches.’
‘What about Tony?’
‘Christ. This is an office. We can’t please everyone now can we.’