A precocious young man relives a conversation he had at a party with a girl. He is talking to his mirror, alone.
I was Arrested Development back there, man. All constantly rewarding the loyalty of my audience. All funny as FUCK. Just riffin’ on pop culture and the quirks of a Particular Place that We All Know. David Sedaris-ing like a motherfucker.
You could have taken my words, laid them out in InDesign, printed them, stapled them together and sold them at the Sydney Writer’s Festival Zine Fair. Shit would’ve sold out before Clover Moore even arrived to get her photo taken.
A girl with a portion of her hair shaved that lives in a warehouse space is all like: “Can I screen print that conversation onto canvas and maybe win a grant with it?”
I’m like: “’course you can, babygirl.”
[Several seconds pass.]
Aww shit! Did you hear that? Is that a phone ringing?
… ‘Cos McSweeney’s just faxed that conversation a book deal, bitch!
Girl, I’m John Darnielle from The Mountain Goats: I’m highly literary and an acquired taste.
I’m half a line of Kerouac quoted in a Hold Steady track: I’m critically acclaimed and respected.
I’m Omar Little: I’m one of pop culture’s high points of the last decade.
Do you use your Arts Degree? ‘Cos I USE my Arts Degree!
[Takes off satchel, unbuttons shirt, slaps chest furiously in between words.]
THIS! IS! HOW! WE! MEET! GIRLS!