Whoever doubted Lindy Chamberlain, shame on you! The mystery shrouding that ol' Australian fable has resurfaced because this time a coyote stole Jessica Simspon's baby.
And clearly by baby - I mean her 5 year old maltipoo, Daisy.
It's been a long week for Jessica (is tuna the chicken of the sea?) Simpson, when her precious pooch was snatched outside her Los Angeles home last Monday.
Now yes, a relative normal person would be sad if their pet went missing, I mean you cannot put a price on the love shared between (wo)man and domesticated animal. We have all seen
Lassie (1994) and
Beethoven (1992)
, we know the drill - kid falls in love with dog, dog saves day. But sweet Jessica has taken this unadulterated pet love to a whole new pedigree of insanity. Showing that money and fame, can well, provide you with the means to do anything.
And so the journey for Daisy has began. Jessica is adamant that her pooch is alive. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure a coyote is not going to just carry a maltipoo in its mouth like a baguette. And even if the coyote some how refrained from devouring this cute little dog and raised it as its own Jessica needs to understand that Daisy would be changed forever. Need I mention the
Jungle Book or that story on
60 Minutes a few years ago with the Dog Girl, walking on all fours, barking when scared. That shit is fucked!
Better days, Daisy Duke and Daisy breaking the law speaking on the phone when driving.
I mean her denial is understandable. Losing a pet is hard, I remember when I was 6 and I came home only to see my goldfish, inventively named 'Goldie' floating on top of her bowl. I walked straight past, there's nothing wrong with Goldie having a nana nap, right? Wrong. The bitch was DEAD. I needed to flush her down the toilet before I could move on. And from one sister to another, I advise Jessica do the same (sans toilet).
But instead she has taken the remedial 'Tweeting' approach, writing "My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR!", don't feel all too bad it wasn't anything a dose of Melrose Place couldn't fix, tweeting 2 hours later "Everyone watch my beautiful sister be a creepy bitch on Melrose Place tonight!!! Tune in! xo"
She also tweeted "Still holding out hope despite the assholes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby...why would I stop searching? I'm a mom."
Heartfelt words there Jessica.
AND she is working in conjunction with FindToto.org, an American organisation who promise to bring "your lost pet home", by calling a 1000 of your neighbours. I'd be lucky if I got that treatment if I was KIDNAPPED, let alone a dog.
I mean what happened to making an A4 paper Lost Dog sign and stapling it to an electricity pole? Oh, wait Jessica has covered that too...
You bet you miss your 'mommy', think of all the tuna you can't eat.
But seriously, Jessica's methods no matter how peculiar are so tender that they
take my breath away.