The red carpet is a fickle place. A place where stars are made and crushed depending on their level of cleavage or choice of gown. You may make millions Hollywood stars. You may have better houses, cars and clothes than us, get special treatment everywhere you go, free coffees, upgrades to business class and alike. But by Joe when you set foot on that crimson carpet, us mere civilians get our day in the sun to judge the crap out of you. And we’re not ones to be kind. Red Carpet judgement day begins here.
Rita Wilson
Rita, you are in one of my favourite childhood sleep over movies
Now & Then, so purely on that fact alone I will always love you. You are also married to Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks! The voice of Woody, the charming man who email-seduced Meg Ryan, the dude who survived on that island and spoke to a basket ball - you couldn’t hate that guy if you tried. So there you are on the red carpet, a star of quite possibly the greatest teen chick flick of all time, on the arms of Mr Hanks, and you’re also wearing Prada - the apple of the fashion world’s eye. So this brings me to ask Rita love, how could you eff this one up so royally? The lesson we can all learn from this is crystal mesh is not your friend. It’s not really anyone’s friend unless you are a 25 year old blonde Russian model or an extreme seventies mum. Matching crystal shoes (as amazing as those shoes are) are not your calves’ friends either. In fact they look like enemies fighting a cold war on proportion and the garish crystals are winning.
Kerri Russell
Every time I see Kerri Russel I can’t help but think of her late nineties TV show Felicity. This bubble gum pink halter neck vintage number (vintage 1999?) only furthers these thoughts.
Lauren Graham
I know the Gilmour Girls/Parenthood actress is good at playing the quirky characters, but she ain’t so good at wearing the quirky fashion. This black and white toga styled Yigal Azrouel dress is leaning on the scary side of quirky. If she leans any further she might end up in a backwards style suit circa Celine Dion at the 1999 Oscars. It’s a slippery slope Lauren.
Ariel Winter
I hardly recognised her at first, but Ariel Winter plays the daughter in Modern Family. I’m guessing she’s probably a bit new to red carpet judgement days so I’ll be a little easier on her. Plus that midnight blue colour suits her to a tee, so it’s not all bad news. But unfortunately she had to go and ruin her colour choice with a disastrous medi-evil-gothic-wedding style corset. The scary Usula the Sea Witch layers also make her look like she’s about to be sucked into a synthetic typhoon. Best leave the scary dresses to Helena Bonham Carter, Ariel.