What would you wear if you were a redneck Alaskan moose hunter and you wanted to take over the world? Perhaps you've never thought about it. Sarah Palin has. She's the powersuit-wearing Republican Vice-Presidential candiate tag-teaming for world domination with John McCain.
Palin, who was announced as McCain's running mate on August 29, is the Republican party's trojan horse. Everything about her carefully considered "power mom" look is designed to keep rednecks in the Whitehouse.
If you ever thought what you wear doesn't matter, you were wrong. Palin's diguise as 'just another American mom trying to make a difference' is one of the most carefully considered wardrobes in the world right now. She puts more effort into her clothes than a Melbourne model trying to pull on Brownlow night, because in effect she, like McCain, is trying to pull each and every American voter.
From sensible funnel-necked skirt suits, demure earrings, rimless glasses, three-inch heels and either a bedazzled American flag or a single star brooch are chosen deliberately.
Her look conveys authority, austerity and focus. The parochial jewellery, such as beaded earrings and diamante Alaska brooch, says 'I am in touch with my people, I am just like you'. Her groomed and up-tucked hair is equal parts Marge Simpson and every well-kempt mother at your local school's PTA. Those three-inch heels say 'look, I'm a woman and I'm making it in a man's world.'
The terrifying thing is that behind her cleverly crafted appearance there's a potential world leader with some of the most appalling ideas for both foreign and domestic policy. She recently suggested launching missiles into Pakistan to stop terrorists crossing the Afghan border.
As Alaskan governor she has sued the US federal government for listing polar bears as endangered because it inhibited that state's ability to search for oil.
What's more, when John McCain eventually kicks it, the moose hunter will be in charge. This is where someone else who thinks they're more of a feminist than me slams me for not supporting a female candidate. Gender is irrelevant when you're this powerful and ignorant.
November 4th presents a great opportunity for Americans to step up and vote for someone who will stop them looking, as
US comedian Sarah Silverman says, like the assholes of the world. Will voters see through the disguise?
That cream jacket.
I'm one of you! Just look at my jewellery.
Star-spangled banner tells you I'm a patriot.
You know, I'm just a mom making a difference.
I am DEFINITELY not like McCain's heiress wife. DEFINITELY not.
Here's those pins. Hillary ain't got the guts to do this.
I done killed that moose. See my redneck power? Imagine what I could do to a-rabs.