If I could be in any band right now it would be the Long Blondes. Not for the music, though their second album does have a sweet pop ring to it. It’s the outfits. Kate Jackson completely rocks my socks in this perfect black and white T-shirt, high-waisted short shorts and seamed stockings. Bloody hell, Kate Jackson, it's like you've visited the heaven that is my fantasy wardrobe in my brain, outfitted yourself and launched into song. I might be able to get away with wearing this to work, but it looks so much better on stage.

And so to the notion of the perfect black and white striped T-shirt (BWSTS). The right one is a piece of wardrobe staple perfection. It is an absolute necessity whether you’re Kurt Cobain (or were) or Kate Moss, or me. It’s a classic, timeless and stylish. It says rock n’ roll, yachting and Jean Luc Goddard films.

But get the width of the stripe wrong and you've got a black T-shirt WITH white stripes. Or a white T-shirt WITH black stripes. Disaster! The stripe should ideally be even, or, and now I'm chancing my arm, the white should be slightly wider by a matter of millimetres.

The BWSTS can change the shape of your body, so it's important to get the stripe width, the fabric and the cut just right. A tight BWSTS with fat stripes will make the boob look bigger. That's good if that's the desired effect, but be ware. A loose BWSTS will add volume to a boney frame which is great if you're trying to achieve that, but again, if not, you're instantly bigger.

I had an old reliable BWSTS from Kinky Gerlinki, but it eventually died and I have not found a replacement. They are surprisingly difficult to find. You can find loads of rubbish versions, some with unnecessary embroidery, or possibly with a polo neck (bleh) but it's rare to find a top notch BWSTS. I would expect a knit-wear specialist like Agnes B to have one, but she surprisingly doesn't which is an absolute disgrace. Neither does Petit Bateau or Sonia Rykiel. I'm still hunting for one, so Kate if you read this can you tell me where yours is from?