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Australia's next top boring vacuous blah blah

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I tuned in to Australia's Next Top Model on Fox 8, partly because it's my job to know about fashion things, and partly because I have a crush on Jodhi Meares, but all I heard was "blah blah bitch blah yodel yodel".

The show features 13 young women who aspire to become models living together for 11 weeks in some kind of really really ridiculously good-looking bubble while they get humiliated, ridiculed and eventually their numbers are whittled down to leave us with the "top model".

The girls all look very lovely, but for God's sake, all I heard was "she's a bitch", "they're bitches" and other variations on tearing each other to shreds. When he was assembling the group shot, one of the photographers described the scene saying "the pretty bitchy bunch are at the front". I did the walk out of the room, make a cuppa, walk back by and the "bitch bitch bitch bitch" soundtrack was still going.

I know, now that I've described it a room full of beautiful women tearing in to each other is probably highly appealing. But this is a bit like Cath and Kim on commercial TV - it's a one joke show and they're going to drag it out over 11 weeks until we are dead or brain-washed into loving it.

Then there's the girl who yodels randomly. It's like some kind of artful, spontaneous outburst thing she does to calm down. It doesn't calm anyone else down though, it drives all the other pretty dimwits mad and *blergh* the ernest-ness made me spew in my own eye.

And now I realise why they've got Meares hosting. It's so I'll come back. Watching the show is like "boring models slap slap slap slap pain", ahhh Meares honey yum, "boring models slap slap slap slap pain".

There is an exception to the vacant snitches. Belinda Hodge, the 17 year old, looks a bit interesting and was the one "model" to put her ego aside when asked to select the top three contenders for the crown. She admitted she was learning the job, which denotes a sense of perspective that the others left at the door.

So now I suppose I will need to see how well she does, by way of making someone else who can stand these beautiful vultures watch the show each week. They can also tell me if Meares gets hotter with each episode, if that's at all possible.

You can get your fill of this dross, and Meares at 7:30pm on Tuesdays on Fox 8.