Top 5 idiotic talkshow phobias

By Marcus on Apr 03 2009, 12:09PM

The Maury show, as we rudely discovered recently, is a trash TV US "reality" talk show in the vein of Jerry Springer or the like. Jerry Springer with less chair throwing perhaps.

We stumbled on it - as you do - by noticing a curious YouTube related video posited beside something else we were watching; (a dissertation on Poe's metaphysical/postmodern influence on 80s era Paul Auster/vomiting dogs on horseback...I forget). Anyway, this video was called "Scared of Peaches". Flushed with adrenalin we clicked on it and found ourselves - as if deposited from some fantastical Magic Faraway tree - jettisoned into a world of hilarity, voyeuristic cruelty, questionable validity and unstoppable stupidity.

A pattern forms throughout these clips: 1. Maury establishes guests fear, often via a backstory montage. 2. Confronts guest with fear. 2. Guest runs/cowers in violent hysterics while stagehands prod them with the very objects of their fear. 4. Laughter.

Buckle up.

SCARED OF PEACHES

Maury: “Are you gonna kill me if I bring a peach in here?”
Guest: “I dunno you might wanna stay back”.

Best YouTube comment:

massore1980: it probably has to do something with james and the giant peach

TERRIFIED OF COTTON

“DON’T GO BACK THERE CAROL YOU’RE GONNA SEE MORE COTTON THAN YOU WANNA SEE!!!”

Best YouTube comment:

NekoD3m0n: Ya I mean If I was on this show, even if a 30 foot fire breathing dragon burst through the wall. Id be scared but I wouldn't cower or cry. Id try to fight it or something if I had to.

SCARED TO DEATH OF BALLOONS

“You’re not gonna eat a pickle? You’re not gonna touch a pickle? You’re not gonna touch a dog? Huh!? You’re not gonna feel a balloon?”

Best YouTube comment:

SpiritWorld123: HER SOUL IS FUCKED

AFRAID OF PICKLES

“Mariah is terrfied of pickles. So we took her to the Patterson Pickle factory.”

Best YouTube comment:

mattman90: Is she also scared of trouser pickles?

CHICKEN PHOBIA

Maury: “Do you believe that a raw chicken can come alive?”
Guest: (Crying) “Yes.