Screw the albums. Screw the films. Screw the books. This is the real shit right here. The top ten news stories of 2009 exploding in your face. What have I missed? I'm sure a terrifyingly large amount. So. Much. News. But hey, I'm the blogger here, so I get to decide what is and isn't important. Suffer in your jocks.

10. Silvio Berlusconi: It's hard to even pick one discrete event for Italy's Prime Minister, so I'm just going to treat him as a single, ongoing news miracle. A year of prostitution, prosecution, perfidy, allegations of impotence and unnecessary alliteration.. Also, his wife began divorce proceedings against him after he attended the 18th birthday party of an up and coming underwear model. Quite the year indeed. You can find a more detailed run down here.

9. Michael Jackson's Death: Wherein tens of millions of people who had spent the last 15 years making ribald jokes at Jackson's expense and not caring a whit about his music suddenly became his most ardent and protective fans. Seriously, a funeral home in Melbourne held a memorial service for him. That would have been a dour, dour affair. And not because somebody died.

8. The Liberal Party Leadership Spill: After a good, solid decade of banality and steady progress, Australian politics finally - and ironically - shows some signs of life as the Liberal Party commits seppuku in front of the entire country. My appraisal of the goings on can be found here and here.

7. Utegate: Well, wasn't this just a big ol' cup of I don't give a shit? Because, dishonesty to Parliament or not, there's no getting around the fact that the biggest political scandal to grip Australia in years revolved around a goddamn utility vehicle. This, I can only imagine, did not improve our image overseas.

6. The Iranian Elections: A refreshing eruption of civil discontent that destabilised a brutal regime and showcased the incredible liberatory potential of Twitter.

5. Balloon Boy: A dismal eruption of faux sentiment that showcased the incredible potential for idiocy and gullibility on Twitter.

4. The U.K. Parliamentarian Expenses Scandal: Westminster proves to the world that the aristocratic system is still alive and well in Great Britain by revealing that their elected representatives had been busy charging the country for everything from garlic peelers to moat installations to curtains to rebuilding bell towers to getting a Welsh electrician to travel to London to deal with some electrical faults. A good list of the best claims can be found here.

3. Obama's Inauguration: The pomp! The ceremony! The hope! The substandard poetry! And, let's face it, much as I love the guy, it all went downhill pretty fast from here.

2. America's Health Care Debate: And this was the reason. America's democratic foundations self-immolating in a debate over whether to allow poor people to receive medical care. I mean, I really shouldn't care about this all that much considering that even under the most generous interpretations it only pertains to the US, but goddamn if I wasn't riding this debate like an agitated mule. After a while I had to stop myself from reading any more about the proceedings because it was getting me so angry and frustrated. I blame the West Wing. Stupid educational television.

1. The Copenhagen Conference: Yes, yes I know. It was a bit of a failure. But as the most significant gathering of the world's leaders in recent memory it probably deserves some recognition. Also, they were essentially discussing the potential end of the world as we know it, so it just felt... I dunno, significant. It also gets extra points for the riots and walkouts. My before and after appraisals.

And that does it for this year! Thanks for reading, commenting and coming back for more over the last couple of months. It's been killer to be part of The Vine family. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to South Africa. Enjoy Australia. Suckers. See you in February.

Luke