For current affairs junkies, coming to the end of an election is like waking up from a five-week peyote bender only to discover that your wife has run off with a Russian water polo player, the bank has repossessed your house and burnt it to the ground, your son is now a woman, you actually have a son(/daughter) and that you have, for some reason, decided to fill your wardrobe with nothing except experiments in paisley. In other words: shit has happened and you totally missed it. So, what in God's name is going on out there?

[I write this post in full awareness that the election is far from "over" (after the most boring election in living memory somehow gave rise to the most exciting election result in living memory), but, let's be frank, whatever happens the only real winner here is Antony Green and his sumptuous array of ties, so, just for a moment, I'm going back to the real world]

Holy Shit, the World

Holy shit, Pakistan: While Australia's population of 20-odd million spent the last five weeks trying to distinguish between two Kang and Kodos-esque political candidates, 20-odd million of Pakistan's population have spent the last five weeks trying to escape floods that have decimated the country's already impoverished northern provinces. The disaster, which has been variously described as "the most devastating natural disaster in living memory", "worse than the Boxing Day tsunami" and "wet", has killed tens of thousands, displaced tens of millions and poses severe threats to the stability of the world's second least reliable nuclear equipped nation (thank you, North Korea). The challenge posed by the floods is immense and ongoing, and is being exacerbated by governmental incompetence, a profound lack of national resources and broad indifference from the international community. Given that the disaster is on the scale where it conceivably could cause Pakistan's collapse into anarchy and/or the control of the Taliban, nuclear weapons and all, you'd think the rest of the world might actually feel something of a vested interest.



Donate to the Red Cross' much need efforts here.

Holy shit, Russia: Meanwhile, a few days donkey ride north, and Russia has just brought to an end its efforts to topple Australia in its bid for the title of Miss Conflagration Nation 2010. For four weeks now, Russia has been enjoying the worst wildfires in the nation's history - fuelled by the worst heatwave in the nation's history - which, at their peak, covered over 200 000 hectares (read: 2 000 square kilometres) of forest, plain and appealingly named "peat bog". Although, by comparison, Victoria's Black Saturday catastrophe consumed over twice that amount of land in a single week. Yeah, suck on that Russia! With that said, the heatwave that came with the wildfires has potentially killed upwards of 15 000 people, so perhaps the Ruskis still do have it on us, 'ey boys?... I really probably shouldn't be comparing the two.

For really distressing reading, the World Meteorological Organisation has put out a report saying that the floods and fires were predictable, undeniably linked and that they "compare with, or exceed in intensity, duration or geographical extent, the previous largest historical events".



Someone really should ask Tony Abbott what he thinks about it all.

Holy shit, New York mosques : America, faced with  issues such as chronic unemployment, a torpid economy, a creaking social order and a vicious political cycle, have decided that they need to focus on the important things here: the building of a mosque a few blocks away from Ground Zero. Yes, those Islamo-fascists are out to rub the free world's face in it, yet again, by constructing a peace-oriented community/religious/youth centre two blocks away from Ground Zero. That also happens to include a mosque. The intended aim was to promote inter-faith relations. It has, instead, ignited a cultural firestorm, with the expected elements of the insane right, and certain elements of the supposedly saner left, up in arms at the nerve and provocation of building such a structure near the site of the September 11 attacks. So inflamed are passions that it could well become a defining issue in the coming Congressional elections. To an outside observer, it seems insane. But to Americans this is a true, fundamental assault on their nation that is currently opposed by about 70% of the populace. Most of whom were probably unable to read the question as it sat on the paper.



As someone has sagely pointed out, within two blocks of Ground Zero one can also find a Burger King, a McDonald's and a venue to procure high class prostitution, so I guess it's all a question of values really.

Holy shit, global economy: Actually this appears to be stabilising a little. Potentially doesn't even deserve that "Holy shit!". Certainly, Europe seems to have backed away from the absolute precipice of a month or two ago when it looked as if Spain, Italy, Portugal and Greece were all on the verge of following Iceland into total fiscal collapse. Which is good, because as well as we might have dodged through the GFC Mk. 1, the disintegration of the European Union would have been slightly harder to ignore. And now, an unrelated picture of a man with potentially more readily accessible money than Greece.



Holy shit, Chilean miners: Not quite of the same earth-shattering importance, but still not what I'd classify as a fun time, 33 Chilean miners have been recently told that they are going to be stuck in a collapsed mine shaft 700 metres below the surface for the next four months. Which is either going to make this the best Christmas or the worst Christmas of their lives. Either way, there is already a hole big enough to lower down food, water and boardgames, so there is every reason to think that they really just need to treat this like an extended getaway in the bowels of the Earth.


[Not Chilean miners]


Holy shit, Chinese traffic: Again, not quite that globally important, but still it should be pointed out that as we speak (or read, rather), there is a queue of trucks 100 kilometres long trying to get into Beijing. That is, there is a traffic jam already of nine days duration on one of the major roads leading into Beijing. It could well last for a month.



The major concern seems to be that opportunistic locals are over-charging them for food. We'll call that Chinese stoicism.

Holy shit, comedy: Also of note in the month of August is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the world's largest comedy festival and almost certainly a more entertaining way to spend three weeks than reading about the Australian election. Just announced are the best one-liners of the festival. My favourite goes to Emo Phillips with "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.". LOLZ.

Holy shit, Panda Cheese: I already put this in a blog post last week, but man, it didn't get nearly enough recognition. Either that or I'm dangerously obsessed.