What a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad week it's been. Not only was the Hottest 100 number one song
leaked, and an 11-year-old’s Google logo design
stripped of its Aboriginal flag, but Tony Abbot also decided to give us some great
gift ideas, such as virginity.
How easy amidst all this craziness to forget about February's
open casting call for season two of Glee! Luckily we here at The Vine are always looking out for your best interests.
First, understand that these are global auditions (online submissions are accepted) and that this is possibly your only chance EVER to appear beside Olivia Newton-John and
Sue Sylvester Jane Lynch
doing the song ‘Let’s Get Physical’ together.
Second, I’m not just telling you to hurry up and go and be
good on your audition tape—I’m telling you to go and
be your best. And by
be your best I mean be your
Broadway Best.
But wait: what if you haven't discovered your Broadway Best yet? That's why today we're going to take some acting lessons from the greats. There's so much we can learn, both good and bad, from our favourite Hollywood celebrities' own Broadway Bests (and worsts).
So take it away, you crazy actors!
Scarlett Johansson
Johansson is currently starring with Liev Schrieber in the Arthur Miller play
A View from the Bridge, which opened this week to glowing reviews. It seems that critics prefer her Broadway debut to her album of Tom Waits covers, and I am pretty sure it's probably also better than that
ad she did for
oranges perfume last year, which made me more interested in stocking up on citrus rather than Dolce and Gabbana.
The
New York Times review was quite scientific in its praise, saying that: 'Ms Johansson melts into her character so thoroughly that her nimbus of celebrity disappears'.
LESSON: Try to melt into your character so that the nimbus of your celebrity disappears! Maybe you can achieve this by visualising that you're the Wicked Witch of the West (which will furthermore come in handy if you decide to sing a song from
Wicked for your audition tape as you'll already be in character).
Keira Knightley
Knightley made her West End debut in Moliere’s comedy
The Misanthrope last December, and the general
vibe was that she was pretty convincing. According to some critics, this was because the character she played was a ‘flirty, fickle film star’.
LESSON: Play what you know. Especially if what you know has a pleasantly alliterative feel to it.
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, mother of Bronx Mowgli, wife of Pete, and sister of Jessica, just opened
Chicago on Broadway playing Roxie Hart.
You may remember that Renee Zellweger played the same role in Rob Marshall’s unsurpassable
film version of this musical, which Marshall recently tried to surpass with his
woeful film version of
Nine.
LESSON: When something is unsurpassable it means it is unable to be surpassed.
Katie Holmes
You may remember that Holmes appeared onstage in 2008 in
All My Sons, another Arthur Miller play, and then offstage as well in about ten million paparazzi photos with her daughter Suri as they hung around Manhattan for what seemed like forever.
A reviewer for the
NY Daily News said she added a 'fitting glint of glamour' to the play, but criticised her for being, ‘at times … strangely shrill.’
LESSON: Don't be strangely shrill.
Jude Law
I apologise that Law is the only male I've included in this lesson plan, but judging by the testosterone-crazed fierceness he displays as Hamlet in this photo and the number of children he's sired, I've decided he probably counts for at least three men; actually, more like
four.
He played the role on Broadway last year and a review
said that his 'undeniable charisma and gender-crossing sex appeal may captivate Broadway theatergoers who wouldn't normally attend productions of Shakespeare'.
LESSON: Have undeniable charisma and gender-crossing sex appeal.
Sienna Miller
Last year's
New York Times review of Sienna Miller’s Broadway debut in
After Miss Julie limited its praise
to her ‘good diction, good posture and great legs’.
The
Associated Press also thought she ‘looks sensational: her trim figure wrapped in a pert floral print dress that shows off her great legs.’
LESSON: Have great legs.
Catherine Zeta-Jones
A new production of Stephen Sondheim's
A Little Night Music recently opened on Broadway, starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, which is reason enough to celebrate all night in the streets. But apparently Zeta-Jones, who gets to sing 'Send in the Clowns', is decent, supple and vulpine in the role, which is further reason to be glad.
From the
New York Times: ‘In addition to being drop-dead gorgeous … Ms Zeta Jones brings a decent voice, a supple dancer's body and a vulpine self-possession to her first appearance on Broadway.’
LESSON: Be vulpinely self-possessed.
And with vulpine self-possession fresh in your mind, you are now ready to send your audition tape to Fox!