Australia Day has been and gone, and while several of my friends spent the afternoon berating my excitement over 'Invasion Day', I was still as bloody determined as ever to unleash my inner bogan, throw down a few cold ones, play street cricket, and place bets on Triple J's Hottest 100 (starting from number 2, of course). Like any special occasion, there needs to be an outfit worthy of the event, and I found that Australians will go to great pains in order to parade their inner patriot...

What a ball gown is to a ball so is the Australian flag to Australia Day. And it just so happens that some ingenious suburbanite one day decided that the best way to brandish an Australian flag is worn as a cape, much like Superman but arguably with much less legitimate bravado. Australia Day saw thousands of stubbie swilling party-goers get their Cronulla on with flags flying around every proverbial (red)neck. And for those who struggled with the practicalities behind the concept there was plethora of online stores offering capes printed with the Australian flag, so the hard work of tying two flag ends together was easily eliminated.

If you're a woman, it's best to wear as little as possible on Australia Day, and what better way to promote your country AND your sexuality than with an Australian flag tankini? I'd say that's what they call killing two birds with one stone.

Footwear is always an important consideration, but when you're Australian the choice is not so difficult. Thongs pretty much encompass everything you'll need to do as an Australian on Australia Day- eat sausages in the back yard, go to the beach and possibly even play some half-assed game of cricket or footy in the street after lunch but before the meat sweats set in and you need to nap. Come to think of it, thongs are good for that too.

Make up is out for Australia Day chic, and I put my Stila and Chanel aside to pick up a tube of fluro zinc cream instead. Practically anything goes with zinc, so experiment. My personal favourite is the coloured strip across the nose and cheeks, but zinc is so versatile you can just have fun with it; try wearing it as eye shadow or lipstick for something more avant garde.

If you're a really committed Australian on Australia Day, the most potent symbol of your love for this sunburnt country is none other than the infamous Southern Cross Tattoo.  It doesn't even matter if you can't pick the Southern Cross out of the night sky- hell, it doesn't even matter if you've never even seen the Southern Cross- all that matters is that you've paid your country the highest regard by permanently mutilating your own body. 

Most importantly don't forget that celebration begins in the wardrobe, and if you don't look like Swanston St's myriad souvenir stores threw up on you, then you're just not trying bloody hard enough to be Australian.