Calvin Harris is over the blogosphere. He's sick of 'cut up distorted blog house tunes' and has set out to create a new, exciting dance single.

I'm Not Alive is sadly not that song. This is a train wreck of a track that sounds like a hodgepodge of late 90s trance-pop anthems thrown into a blender together. Dominated by a rather melodramatic synth lead, Harris' song contains the usual bells and whistles you'd expect from club-house anthems. There's just enough moments here to remind you to rip your shirt off and whirl it above your head during the breakdown.

The song is also dominated by the most ridiculous introspective 'clubbing is my lifestyle' lyrics I've heard in a while.

"God i can’t do this any more

though ill be laid down on the floor

as many feet walk through the door

I’m not alone"

This is not a new theme with dance music. It's something that LCD Soundsystem perfected in 2007 with the stunning All My Friends. Watching Calvin attempt to reach the same sorts of emotive highs as James Murphy is just painful.

You know what, I'm not going to pretend to be surprised that Alone is a lackluster track. Calvin Harris is the man that gave the world Dance Wiv Me from an album entitled I created Disco. If you're looking for intelligent and refreshing dance music, it's not going to be found here.

I'm Not Alone will probably chart well as a dance release and be played alongside "Sunglasses At Night" at clubs for the next year or two.

4.5 out of 10