Have you ever had one of
those days? You wake up, restless, at 2.30am, then 4.37am, then 6.17am, then finally at 7.50am, you give up and give in to the daylight.
This sets the tone for what is certain to be a dog of a day; your stomach starts rumbling as you fight to stay in bed as long as possible even though you'd be better off hitting the fridge and actually eating something.
But then, the planets align, and before you know it Salt N Pepa are on
The Morning Show performing
Shoop - "dedicated to my man Larry!"
And
then all of a sudden Larry's on stage with Salt and Pepa, talking about "empowering women" and enthusing about '80s and '90s hip hop and R&B.
Even Kylie Gillies had to give props ("Biggin' da women up", as she put it before throwing to an ad break while doing her own interpretation of the international sign language for 'raise tha roof').
I don't know why I was surprised, really. After all, this happened:
(I think I'll make "Rice, rice... maybe" my new ringtone.)
And there was this one, too:
Let me lay it on the line for a moment: the man is a genius.
I'm sure I've mentioned by love for Larry before, in much the same way as I have my love for Andrew O'Keefe, but it baffles me: the man is engaging (if occasionally, but appealingly, idiotic), is capable of conducting an interview that doesn't make you wince with embarrassment, and he looks like this:
(Briefly, let's also give props to
Dan Patmore
for the amazing, slightly deranged shot of Larry above, which was not,
sadly, a head-of-state portrait for Larry's future position as ruler of
all the known universe but instead promo for
Celebrity Dog School).
Why isn't he all over the television, all of the time? Why is he languishing between the infomercials for at-home tooth-bleaching kits and magnetic underlays?
Why is he doing this sort of stuff when he could be hosting a
Tonight Show-esque spectacular?
The answer will likely never be known.
But in the absence of Bert - beyond 20-To-1 - and following the passing of Don Lane, isn't it time we reassessed Australia's light entertainment landscape?
We're staring down the barrel of
Hey Hey It's Wednesday Saturday returning and precious little else: my dream is an Australian television landscape in which Larry Emdur and Andrew O'Keefe go back to back with late-night talk/entertainment shows and steer this country back in the direction its light entertainment programming once trailblazed.
If that happens, I'll be doing something a little like Trish back in 2003:
Light it up, Larry!