My relationship with Tori Spelling has always been one of mild interest bordering on vague confusion.

Growing up, I wasn't allowed to watch 90210 (or as Dad, the arbiter of enforced pop-cultural tastes in our house, used to call it, "Beverly Hills 90201010"). Naturally, I then did what I used to do when I wasn't allowed to watch something: turned it into a personal stance.

"Yuck, as if I'd watch that!" I used to bark, while secretly jealous of my classmates' knowledge of edgy young adult drama topics.

Thus, the whole Donna Martin Graduates thing passed me by.

So, my real introduction to Tori was when I was allowed to start buying Who Magazine (I used to cut up the pictures and put them in my scrapbook).

This was when she had that first, terrible boob job. I wasn't very sophisticated, but I vividly remember exclaiming that "she looks like she has two Tupperware containers for bosoms!"

This era:



While we're on the topic, I'd also just like you all to take a moment to appreciate this photo:



I'm not sure whose expression is more "WTF?", Tori's or the Target puppy.

Aaaanyway, Tori has been invading my orbit since in the last few years, I have - for mostly work-related reasons - been immersed in the gossip/trash culture world.

It seems Ms Spelling has perhaps grown a sense of humour about her place in the world, and thus has naturally relaunched herself as a celebreality star.

Thus, when a disc of Season Three of Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood crossed my desk, I became perversely keen to watch it then and there.

Oh boy.

This (season 4) promo ought to give you an idea of the show's gist:




In a nutshell, the show details Tori, husband Dean McDermott and son Liam (plus the future new-delivery, Stella, presently in-utero in the episodes we're currently getting on Arena) in their shift to Hollywood. This means minutiae like moving house, baby prep, Tori's book release and tour, blah blah blah.

What actually happens on the show isn't really important. The star, duh, is Spelling, who comes across as a sort of camp, bizarro Drew Barrymore with an endless menagerie of hysterical gay friends.

In one scene she attempts to organise Liam's 1st birthday with his "gay uncles", who suggest a troupe of trained monkeys riding bicycles. Tori vetoes this idea, because "You can't have that many monkeys, because they attack and they fling poo."

But McDermott has his own charm; in Episode Four (which airs Friday week), he is seen attempting to record some voiceover auditions.

One character description reads "a real American blue-collar guy ... Sylvester Stallone in the first Rocky"; he then launches into the worst Stallone in history. The scene is bookended by a shot of one of the couple's many dogs, whose pug eyes are so walled they look like they're about to explode.

Note: alas, it's Tori's new pug. Her beloved Mimi La Rue passed away, presumably from morbid obesity, which is a shame largely because she was one of the most hilarious looking dogs in history:



In fact, Tori and Dean's dogs are often called upon for a "LOL" reaction shot, which they willingly provide about every three minutes of screen-time.

Throughout the show, too, the spectre of evil mother Candy Spelling is ever present. Personally, I'd be keen to keep this away from my children, too:



Ultimately, the show gives you about as much as any other celebreality show - not a lot, unless you count the endless minutiae of day-to-day C-list life - but the surprise is Spelling's winning personality.

I may have spent most of my life in a Tori-free wasteland, but having had a few hours taken up with Home Sweet Hollywood, I wouldn't be averse to letting her Tupperware tits into my house every week for a visit.

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood is on Arena, Fridays at 8.30pm.