There are a few things I wait with bated breath for each year: Christmas, the Royal Melbourne Show, and the return season of Australia's Next Top Model.

Each year they prattle on about how it's the strongest year yet, blah blah blah, and I usually hit the snooze button - except this year, I think they're actually telling the truth: with the exception of a few "WTF" finalists, any one of these girls could be a top model.

Let's begin with the promo, shall we?



AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING

I think we can all agree that Alex Perry's "EXPENSIVE" is possibly the greatest thing ever to appear on Australian television.

Having watched the first episode of the show, I can - as usual - report, frothing at the mouth, that I am ridiculously excited to see how Cycle 6 pans out.

They begin with 16 girls - four more than usual - and are all happy clappy until it is revealed that a) their first challenge is to step straight onto the runway at Rosemount Australian Fashion Week, only b) not all of them will be allowed to walk, and then c) after a photoshoot Sarah informs the girls that FIVE of them will be going home.

My head nearly exploded.

Let's backtrack, however, and I'll give you my initial thoughts on (most of) the girls:

Kelsey: Very, very pretty. I predict Sarah will favour her, which means I will probably start loathing her in a week or so.

Jessica: GO STRAIGHT TO THE COVER OF RUSSH, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT PORTMANS CATALOGUE. Brilliant. Described her activities - she's unemployed - as "loitering" and pondering "the meaning of life".

Megan: Might just be my favourite. There's something amazingly '70s about her, like she's stepped out of Biba in London. Happy and healthy and eminently likable.

Joanna: Gawjus British import, but a little... boring.

Valeria: The eyes, the eyes! O_O

Claire: Whining bitch. Could do a great line in high-fashion Tamara Jaber impersonation.

Ashlea: WTF, seriously guys. Ashlea is the one who's been in the news for being "too big", but the reality is that SHE JUST ISN'T A MODEL. She's got a normal body, a nice enough face, and a tiny little mouth that makes me think of that episode of Round The Twist where Pete's lips shrink.

Alison: The bins at your school are so random.

Kathryn: for some reason reminds me of Zooey Deschanel, if she dropped 20kg and gained a snaggletooth. Apparently under the impression that modelling is "the only thing I can do". WELL WHY ARE YOU A RECEPTIONIST THEN.

Sophie: This year's Sam/Alex, she clearly knows EVERYTHING. Was delightful, then, to see her dressed down for her "orange tan" by the judges.

There are others but they don't really bear mentioning. Of the show's notoriously amazing dialogue, my favourite snippets were:

Brittney: "I was like... who's Grace Kelly? Apparently she's a... or he."

Josh (replacing Jonathan Pease in the mentor role) to Valeria: "It's a competition. If you're this highly strung, you're gonna have to chill out, babe."
Valeria: O_O

Kimberly: "I was crapping bricks."

Charlotte to Claire: "And you're probably thinking, 'Ohhh, am I going to make a dick of myself?' Well yes, you did just make a dick of yourself."

Alex on Claire: "She's competing with the couch. I mean, I keep looking at the couch and thinking, 'That's quite a fabulous sofa'."

There's all that and more, plus a Mad Men-themed photoshoot, and we're only one episode in.

I think you know what I'll be doing every Tuesday for the next few months.

Australia's Next Top Model Cycle 6 premieres at 7.30pm tonight on FOX8.