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The 6666666666th person alive on earth was born this morning

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The 6,666,666,666th person alive on earth was born this morning. Life, being arguably the most horrific sexually transmitted disease known to mankind, could have been prevented completely by investing a mere $13.3 billion in overpriced-pub-condom-machines. That's the cost of a 39 days of the Iraq war in order to eliminate the entire species. Suck it George, you amateur.

This exemplifies the power of the alliance between the Vatican and the military-industrial complex - and why they are so forceful in their opposition to prophylactics: they do the job far more cheaply, there are no fireworks and, ultimately, everyone ends up distinctly unsatisfied.

That is, assuming that your sex life is anything like mine.

Back to person number 6,666,666,666 -
I, for one, welcome our new Satanic overlord. I'd like to remind him that as a trusted blogger, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in his underground hellfurnace.

It's no surprise that the Bee-L (as he's known to his homies) is back on the scene so soon after the launch of this blog, as it was clearly predicted in the bible:

"He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant forever— holy and awesome is his name." - Psalm 111:9

However, I'm saying balls to that and am throwing myself in with the bad guys this time.

Of course, we don't want to completely destroy the earth because there's already plenty of empty space floating around out there busily doing bugger all - whilst we have to pay the bills and contribute to greater galactic civilization as a whole.

Instead, we usher in a new era of tortuous suffering, writhing agony and seemingly infinite pain. The only thing you will
recognise once our new Lord and Master comes of age will be Vegemite which, I am reliably informed, His Nefariousness is quite fond of.

Anyway, here's a quick baby photo of the Wee Lad:

 

Awww.


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Turn Up The Awesome

TUTA is a pointless miscellany of stuff that I like. Regular consumption of TUTA is scientifically proven to increase your level of Awesomeness to levels previously though impossible by experts. It's classified under "Sex & Relationships" as the title combines my greatest love and biggest fear.