The Michael Jackson Memorial Concert may be old news already (until the DVD comes out) but having been a lifelong fan of the Jacksons, and having reflected on the moving service since it aired, I'm now ready to put my thoughts down for posterity, and to aid my own grieving process.
If a memorial can have "highlights", as the networks sensitively called them, then these were my top ten, in no particular order.
1. HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE MARIAH?
Was it the acoustics/mixing at the start? This
had been pulled together at the last minute, and she
did have the tough opening slot, but let's be honest here, Stevie Wonder, and later Jackson's own backing singers (oh, the irony) were better on the day. And this is
Mariah "12 octave range" Carey we're talking about. Puzzling.
According to
The Mirror, the songbird has since Twittered,
"Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me. I could barely keep myself from crying. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me."
2. I WANT AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN FUNERAL
Michael might have wanted to be white, but I'm glad he didn't get a Church of England type service. As soon as the André Crouch gospel choir opened their mouths, they only confirmed what I already knew. When I die I want a gospel choir, a mostly black congregation, and my family will have to wear shades. This is how I want to go out...
3. I HEART PARIS
It was strange to finally get a good look at Michael's previously hidden children (especially given the circumstances), let alone hear one of them speak. Blanket's mane of hair was fascinating on its own, and he looked the most like a son of Michael. And hence the most enigmatic. The older son looked like a future lawyer, accountant, or Bill Hicks type standup comedian. Time will tell.
But it was immediately apparent that Paris Jackson and Lourdes Ciccone need to carry on the collaboration their parents could never complete. They even look a bit alike. Spooky.
When little Paris took the mic, hugged her Aunty Janet, and daintily put her hanky back in her purse, a star was born. It was like little JFK Jr's salute at his father's funeral all over again, thereby reaffirming the Jacksons as the black Kennedys. (And with more people shoving her - Ed)
4. MONTAGE MAKETH THE MAN
Ever since the 80's, when every movie had a montage sequence edited to a filler track from the soundtrack, I've loved the medium that is the montage. Michael had a good one, considering the timescale they had to work with, and the wealth of material. For someone with such a bad memory, it was also a handy refresher. I'd completely forgotten that he ended a gig at Wembley by exiting the stadium on a jet pack, right over my head, until the montage reminded me.
Mental note: Organise video montage for own funeral/jetpack.
5. AL SHARPTON!
The Rev. Al Sharpton has always been about passion over detail and his eulogy to Jackson was no exception, starting as it did the questionable declaration that
"It was Michael Jackson that made us sing 'We Are The World' and 'Feed The Hungry' (?!) long before 'Live Aid'".
But the Rev. really hit his stride when, rather surprisingly, he cast the man who famously said he was a lover, not a fighter, as... a boxer!
"He out-sang his cynics. He out-danced his doubters. He out-performed the pessimists. Every time he got knocked down he got back up. Every time you counted him out he came back in. Michael never stopped! Michael never stopped! Michael never stopped!" He had a point, and I was moved to hear it. I want the Rev. at my funeral.
After name-dropping Mandela and Obama he got the crowd on their feet, and justifiably so, with his address to the three children...
"There was nothin' strange about your daddy..." [bit more economy with the truth perhaps there, Rev!]
"It was strange what he had to deal with. But he dealt with it." Yeah kind've. Up went LaToya, nodding determinedly in agreement, clapping her hands above her chic wide-brimmed hat, followed a little awkwardly, as these moments often are (should I stand too?!), by the rest of the family.
6. BROOKE SHIELDS STILL CAN'T ACT
I have to love Brooke Shields. In the '80s and '90s when her acting was a very public joke, she kept at it, no matter what.
To borrow from the Rev. Al Sharpton,
"Every time she got knocked down she got back up. Every time you counted her out she came back in. Brooke never stopped!" Proving her critics wrong (ish) she later won a People's Choice Award for Favourite Female Performer, as well as two Golden Globe nominations, for the sitcom
Suddenly Susan.
But judging (really harshly, I feel bad saying this, I really do) by her eulogy at the memorial, she ain't suddenly a better actress. It was great fun though, spotting all the overly-rehearsed acting class "beats" dance stubbornly across her impressively chiselled face as she not-so-suddenly recalled memories of Michael... as if for the first time! Maybe that's why I like her. She's a survivor. And she doesn't have time for Scientologists.
7. THIS IS NOT USHER'S YEAR
When mini-Michael
Usher started his rendition of "Gone Too Soon", he momentarily convinced me that his version sounded better than Michael's. I almost choked. Until
that moment. Sure, Jackson was a master of the chokey voice-breaking-out-of-sheer-emotion-at-the-end-of-a-ballad trick, but Usher's take on "the choke" was so predictable it seemed, well, unseemly. He wasn't done yet though.
Usher then took off his sunglasses so the world could bear witness to his tears. And then he stood there, overcome with emotion, until the whole Jackson clan got up and comforted
him!
An awkward pause in proceedings then occurred as Usher approached each family member, now sitting back down, and comforted them one by one, hands everywhere, all over the Jacksons. Katherine did not look amused. Quick, bring on the next act before he touches Katherine!
I should have known something was up with Usher's ego when he prefaced the song with the line,
"You meant so much to us... Especially me." In front of the family! Classy.
First the divorce from the crazy wife his mother didn't like, and then this. Not Usher's year.
8. JERMAINE CAN SING!
It was comforting to be reminded that the Jacksons were indeed a talented bunch and Jermaine did his little brother proud when he covered Michael's favourite song, Charlie Chaplin's "Smile". Unlike Mariah, Michael's own brother managed to
"pull it together", and then some.
But then, once-upon-a-soundtrack, Jermaine
did duet with Whitney Houston...
9. ONLY MICHAEL COULD PULL OFF THE SINGLE GLOVE
Jermaine pulled off "Smile", but the memorial proved that no other Jackson could quite pull off the single white glove, as proven by the brothers' touching adoption of the signature look. Their gloves looked a bit cheaper than Michael's. I wonder if Katherine bought them at Target.
10. JANET JACKSON
It was touching to see Janet ("Miss Jackson if you're nasty") act as a mother figure to the children. And she managed to keep LaToya's grasping claws away from Paris. But doesn't Janet want kids? Can't
she take them? Diana Ross doesn't seem to want to get involved, and Katherine's too old, and Debbie Rowe doesn't know them. So many questions. But the most pressing...
Was that a Roland Mouret dress? She looked great.
SPECIAL MENTION: SMOKEY ROBINSON SHOULD DO STANDUP
Even though he was patting himself on the back for writing "I'll Be There", the legendary Smokey Robinson managed to be humble and suitably respectful of Jackson. He was also unexpectedly funny as he remembered the ten year old Michael somehow understanding the complicated emotional landscape of the song he wrote for a grown man. He drifted toward the end, but his timing was awesome, and he must be 90 by now. I won't Google it. It would be disrespectful.